Perfect
by 2angelgoats
Summary: Katie Fitch has everything – the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect husband. Now she's even planning the perfect adoption. But what she doesn't expect is that the mysterious brunette with the burgeoning baby bump may be perfect for her in more ways than one.
1. Prologue

**Keffy... the most popular non-canon ship in the history of Skins fanfiction, right? Although also possibly one of the most controversial. Yes, Katie is straight. I know. And just as I would never write a gay character in a straight relationship, I should never write a straight character in a gay relationship. I'm very bad. Sorry. Sorry. (Effy, on the other hand, never has her sexuality discussed, and I think she would be the sort who would be willing to experiment, despite her only being depicted in straight relationships.)**

 **Keffy fanfiction upset and confused me for quite some time. I'm definitely not homophobic, but I do think that straight people should be allowed to... well... be straight. But the sexual tension is palpable, and there were scenes where I was actually willing them to kiss. Teenage years are the time for experimentation, right? And some sexual confusion would have spiced up Katie's storylines. So I started reading Keffy fanfiction and thinking 'hey, you know what, Katie is (sadly) not a real person. So I can make her flexible if I like. Even** ** _with_** **real people, sexuality is fluid, right?' And there is some really brilliant Keffy fanfiction out there.** ** _Conflict of Interest_** **makes me cry. It's a nice ship, even if it's unrealistic, and I'm giving it a chance. Do likewise?**

Tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap tap.

Katie was quite aware that the repetitive noise of her manicured fingernails hitting the desk was probably annoying the pregnant woman in front of her, but she was too anxious to care. Mrs Katherine Fitch Tomone (or Katie Fitch, as she liked to be called) was not a nervous person, but today, she had a lot more on her mind than usual. The woman sitting in front of her was pregnant – only two months in, but it was actually pretty apparent. Katie supposed that was because she was so skinny. _How come a woman as thin as that can concieve a baby, but I can't?_

She still felt jealous sometimes. She had been seventeen when she went through the menopause, but the sting was as sharp as if it had been yesterday. Katie would never know how it felt to hold life inside her, and surely that was the worst punishment any woman could ever find herself afflicted with? So the sight of a painfully beautiful bump of soft, warm, pregnant flesh sitting on this wisp of a girl, all blue eyes and collarbones, really fucking _hurt._

'Effy' (and what a ridiculous name that was) had turned up at her door ten minutes ago, wearing a goddamned _minidress,_ with an inexplicable smirk on her impossibly beautiful face. "Would you like to adopt my baby?" were the very first words she'd said.

Of course Katie would. She ushered her inside and sat her down on one of the leather lounge chairs. She made her peppermint tea and prepared a plate of shortbread, neither of which the girl touched. Instead she simply sat _observing_ , still with that infuriating little smirk, as if there was nothing more amusing in the world than Katie's typical suburban living room, all creamy wallpaper and coffee coasters like any other house in the street.

She was what Katie's mother would have called _common_ , but that wasn't really bothering Mrs Tomone at the moment. Katie very badly wanted a baby, and she had to be grateful for Effy's presence, common or otherwise – they had found each other, it turned out, via a lucky fluke. Very soon into their baffling conversation, it turned out that Katie's 'friend' (her sister's bitchy girlfriend) Naomi Campbell (another ridiculous name) had known Effy from school (you? school? Katie wanted to remark acerbically). Effy made vague gestures and told her that 'events' had led her to 'want a little reconciliation', and that Naomi had told her about Katie's burning need for a child. Curious, Katie asked to know more. Effy just smiled.

She knew straight away she was going to hate Effy. But what she didn't hate – what she was hoping she would one day adore – was the tiny baby growing inside her. And she wasn't prepared to waste a potential chance to become a mother just because she personally disliked the girl.

Because that's what she was: a girl. Probably around Katie's age, maybe a little younger, but she obviously hadn't even considered growing up. The playful smirk teasing the corners of her lips. The showy blue-grey eye make-up. The sheer amount of snowy white thigh clearly visible below the outrageous hem of her sequinned minidress. She looked like a teenager going out clubbing, not a young lady discussing very adult matters at four in the afternoon on a Sunday.

Katie, on the other hand, was a woman. She had grown up quickly. When younger, she too had been the sort to wear dresses that were, quite frankly, slutty, and smother herself in cosmetics, but now her maturity was an asset almost as proudly displayed as her tits had been back then. Everything about the young Mrs Tomone was planned, perfectly contrived. She had a feeling that Effy Stonem was quite the opposite.

"Well, it was very lovely to meet you, Ms Stonem. We'll contact you soon," Katie told her finally. Their minutes of empty silence, following one of the most awkward conversations Katie had ever partaken in, had stretched on for long enough. Effy stood up altogether too suddenly, making Katie flinch – this in turn eliciting another smirk from the girl. Katie held out her hand for Effy to shake it, but the skinny brunette simply flicked her eyes down to Katie's small, outstretched hand for a second, before dragging them upwards over her stomach, chest and neck to make eye contact again. One moment of Effy's disconcertingly penetrating gaze, and then she was gone.

 _Elizabeth Stonem._ She was the sort of person Katie had no qualms about dismissing as a lower-class slut with a liking for pointless titillation, yet there was something... Katie had to shake off the temptation to watch her from the window as she left.

 **Hope you didn't despise this? I found it quite difficult to write - prose isn't my strong suit and non-canon is always harder but I wanted to add at least a little more tension to what was already between the two girls. Reviews would be lovely :)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Thanks for your reviews, everyone!** **And thankyou to you too if you have followed, favourited, or even just glanced at this. That means a lot, too. Seeing as FF seems to be messing up with reviews again (that darn website. Points if you get the reference) I can't reply personally just yet but don't worry, I will, and thankyou so much for them anyway :)**

 **Anyway, I really hope you enjoy this chapter.**

"I'd go for pink, babes. Go with your hair, right?"

"I want blue," Lara insisted, as Katie held up the two sashes against her waist. Katie wouldn't normally get this close to a client, but Lara was different. Her fiancée, one JJ Jones, had been friends with Emily back in high school, and Katie liked her. She didn't say much, but when she did speak it was for a reason. Direct and to the point. Katie wondered sometimes how a smart, outspoken girl like her had ended up with a nine-year-old son at the tender age of twenty-six.

"Fine." Relenting was not something that Katie was wont to do, especially since the pink was so obviously the better choice, but she knew better than to argue with Lara Lloyd. "I'll get Emily to stitch it on for you."

Lara smiled, although it was directed at her reflection rather than at Katie. Still. Better than nothing. The blonde raised one hand to smooth down her hair, streaks of yellow and pink intermingling beautifully. She'd make a gorgeous, if sometimes slightly bitchy, bride. Katie imagined JJ standing at the altar waiting for her – doubtless with a disbelieving smile on his face – and almost laughed. An unlikely couple, but a sweet one.

"She still working for you, then?"

"Urgh, I wish. Emsy can sew alright. But if I promise not to murder her cow of a girlfriend for another week or two, she'll help her sister out."

Katie had inherited her mother's small-town wedding planner business – _Let's Get Fitched! –_ and loved to run it. Still, childhood dreams of fashion design did sometimes haunt her, and so she often offered to help clients out with the smaller details of the dress. Emily had used to work for Katie, doing odd jobs – stitching up last-minute-tears in bridesmaid frocks, baking a cake every now and again – but she'd quit her job when Naomi had made it big as a comedian. Katie hated that. Emily was supposed to be fiery, independent. (Albeit in a much subtler way than her sister.) She wasn't supposed to cook and clean house for a rangy peroxide who could (odds on) tell a half-decent joke.

"And you've sorted flowers?"

"Yeah, five hundred long-stemmed roses."

"Perfect. Thanks, Katie." Katie grinned. It _was_ perfect, very much so – she was making a mint out of Lara and JJ's custom and although she and Thomas didn't exactly _need_ more money, a slight upgrade to the furniture here and there, a little more affluence with holidays, well, it couldn't hurt, could it? Katie's life was picturesque. Her polite, handsome husband. Her loving(ish) family. And very soon, a child of her own. Her heart swelled at the thought of holding a baby in her arms. _Perfect_.

x

Katie hated seeing Emily and Naomi. Well, she loved her sister, and she might admit that the blonde bitch was okay in small doses if you put a gun to her head, but together they were sickening. On this particular occasion Emily was actually _sitting_ on Naomi's _lap,_ arms wrapped around her neck and faces meshed together.

"Um, can we pause the lezzer fun for just a mo here?" She slung her bag down onto the table and seated herself beside them, trying not to concentrate on what they were doing. After a few long, awkward moments. Emily looked up, a little red-face.

"Emsy shum? Sorry, Katie, didn't see you there." She reshuffled herself so as to be in a position of at least a _little_ more dignity, although her legs were still intertwined with her girlfriends'. Said girlfriend was, for her part, smirking, which Katie liked even less than usual at this point – it reminded her in a horrible way of Effy. "What did you want to meet us about?"

Shaking her head away from Naomi's gaze, she addressed Emily. "Your girlfriend here has found me and Tommo a baby."

"You – what?" Emily was surprised, sure, but there was no hiding the smile that lit up her wide brown eyes. She knew how badly Katie and Thomas wanted to be parents, and besides which, she herself would be a brilliant auntie. Sweet temper, not-so-sweet sense of discipline, she was the kind of family member every kid wanted. "What do you mean, she's found you a baby?"

"This girl I know from school," Naomi followed, catching on. "Effy Stonem. She's pregnant. Her boyfriend's dead."

" _Dead_?!"

Katie herself didn't exclaim, but she was certain she was at least as shocked as Emily. Maybe that explained at least a little of Effy's strange behaviour. "Yeah. Not going into detail. But he's dead, alright. She needed to talk to someone. I told her that if she didn't want to keep the baby, I knew someone who was looking to adopt."

"Dead," Emily repeated again, evidently a little calmer. Katie herself was no such thing, instead, she felt angry at herself for acting so coolly to the girl. What a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. She imagined losing Thomas, and shuddered. No, that was _not_ something she wanted to think about. "Poor girl. So she came to see you, then, Katie?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Tommo about it, and maybe we can meet her again."

"He wasn't there when he met you?" Emily's eyes were wide – well, they always were. "Katie, you can't go around telling people you're going to adopt a baby without saying anything to your _husband_!"

She had a point.

x

"Babes? Babes, I'm home." Thomas was a runner. Katie was not quite sure why, or how it made them any money, but it seemed to, and he loved it, and it did mean he had very flexible hours. He was also very good at helping with – well, okay, doing all of – the housework. His cooking was incredible, and Katie did like coming home to a clean house and dinner on the table. She was always watching her weight, but a loving smile and a tender hug from Thomas made her feel beautiful, cliché as it sounds. And feeling beautiful stopped her from thinking twice about eating a healthy, filling meal three times a day. He truly was the perfect husband.

A pause, then she heard his feet on the landing and saw him appear down the staircase, finally arriving in front of her. She kissed his cheek and he wrapped his arms around her. "It is lovely to see you," he told her, his Congo accent, still so apparent after all these years, making the words sing.

"I should think so," she teased, making him laugh. Then she raised her head to meet her eyes with his, pouting prettily. "Can Katie have a kiss?" He obliged, his ' _of_ _course'_ almost said, but lost in the soft meeting of lips. They parted with a breath and she smiled, resting her hands on his hips. "I've got some brilliant news for us, babe." He smiled, not just a movement of the mouth, but even his eyes lighting up. "You'll never guess," she continued as she led him into the living room, her pink-topped fingers wrapped tight around his wrist.

"No, I don't suppose I will."

He moved to sit down on one of the sofas, and the few moments of marital bliss were strangely shattered as Katie remembered the image of Effy sitting there, net stockings (that were more for decoration than anything else) the only thing separating her flesh from the leather. Coupled with the information she'd just recieved about the girl, it was a powerful memory. She'd just assumed that Effy had been stupid enough to get herself knocked up on a one-night-stand; she didn't seem like the kind of person who really went for relationships. But then, maybe Katie shouldn't judge so quickly.

Shaking the thoughts away, she seated herself beside Thomas and knotted her hand in his again. "You know Naomi Campbell?"

"The model, or Emily's girlfriend?" Katie laughed. Yes, it was an old one, and yes, from anyone else it would have been groan-worthy, but for some reason things like this were different with Thomas. He made this joke very regularly, but she still genuinely laughed every time. She poked him playfully.

"Emily's girlfriend."

"Well, one of her old mates from school's just gone and got herself knocked up, right?" Katie felt somewhat guilty at this variation on the truth. "And now she doesn't know what to do with herself so Naoms told her that we were looking to adopt, and all. And she was wondering if we wanted to, like... " She let the words hang in the air, looking up at her husband with the question apparent in her eyes.

She didn't have to wait very long. Thomas beamed, standing up and seizing her into a hug so passionate he almost lifted her into the air. She giggled into his shoulder. "Katie, that is amazing."

Katie supposed that if they had tried particularly hard, they could have managed to set up an adoption. But looking for one almost made the reality of her infertility even more bitter for Katie, and so it was good that it had happened this way. That Effy had blown into her world like a fairy godmother was honestly the best possible outcome. It was perfect: only two months in, so Thomas and Katie had oodles of time to build up a connection of sorts with the baby before it was born. Plus, seeing as she knew Naomi, it would be hard for her to run out on the deal without consequences. A beautiful, healthy child would be delivered to the Tomones in seven months time, almost as if Katie had carried it herself.

"I know, right?" She nuzzled her head into his neck. "Do you want me to call her and tell her we're interested, or what?"

"Of course I want you to call her! You must do so right away, Katherine." He always called her Katherine in times of stress or excitement; she had never been quite sure why, but she couldn't dwell on it when there was such a happy sight in front of her. The sheer joy lighting up Thomas' face made Katie giggle. He would be such a good father when they finally had their baby – hopefully the baby that right now was budding in Effy's womb. "When can I meet her? I want to know all about this woman. I will make food ready for her, maybe some vegetable soup will be nice... "

"Calm down, calm down!" Katie was still in fits of giggles.

"But it's exciting, Katie!" He looked down at her with his beautiful eyes, and all the strange doubts that had built up in her over Effy evaporated. It was perfect. They were perfect. Everything was _perfect_.

"I know, babes. I know."

x

She had resolved to contact Effy straight off, but there was just so much to do. JJ and Lara's nuptials were drawing nearer by the minute, not to mention her other, less 'special' clients. Emily was always dragging her out to various shows and events. And she and Thomas were experiencing such bliss that it was difficult to find a moment alone where they wanted to do anything but simply... well, be together. Katie was not who she had once been and as such she found elaboration awkward.

In the end she decided just to text her. It did seem a little too informal, but she didn't have the time or the energy to invest in lengthy phone calls at the present moment, and it really was time they arranged some sort of date, before Effy found another interested couple who couldn't concieve for some reason.

So she sent a text: _Hi, Katie Tomone here. We're very interested in an adoption. Were wondering if we could meet you together at some point?_

Reading back her own message, she almost laughed at herself. The formality was necessary, but it was so very un-Katie. The way she talked to Emily, or even to Lara, was drastically different – not only was it regularly punctuated with _babes,_ or, on a bad day, _bitch,_ but she tended to refer to herself by her maiden name most of the time. It just felt... more natural. More her. She loved Thomas and their life together, but there was a definite sense that Katie Fitch had something that Katie Tomone just didn't.

Katie checked her phone regularly – it was simply a habit of hers – but at least two days passed before Effy replied. _sweet_ , it read simply, which rather infuriated Katie.

 _When would you like to meet?_

This time it was almost a whole week before Katie was blessed with word from Effy. _soon. baby not waiting forever._ This, too, got on Katie's nerves. As if _she_ was the one holding up any further communication with ridiculously slow messaging! Katie had almost given up on recieving a reply. She tapped out a text furiously fast, almost as if her anger could somehow be communicated to Effy in this way. _Tomorrow, then?_

No reply. Of course, Katie had expected this, but in a weird way she was still upset. It was immature of the girl to be this elusive, she thought, and she communicated this by being very much overly sharp with her clients that next day. "No, of _course_ you can't have it ready by Monday, I need at _least_ four days notice with _that_ extravagant an order... " "Oh, God, Melissa, do you really expect to be able to fit into _that_?" "If you think you're going to be able to get a half-decent photographer with _that_ budget, you'd better think again... "

When she got home Effy was waiting outside her front door.

"What the fuck?!" she said before she could stop herself; then her eyes bulged with the realisation of her incourtesy. "I mean, why are you here?"

Effy shrugged. "You're the one who suggested today."

"Yeah, but – "

"And I did text you." Katie was sure this wasn't true; her hand delved into her bag and came out with her phone. Clicking on the flashing message icon, she read Effy's minimalistic text – _yes_. The time code told her clearly that it had been sent within the last ten mnutes, but she honestly didn't have the energy to bring that up at this point.

"Right, whatever. Well, get the fuck inside, then?" She shouldn't have been so impolite. She really shouldn't have. But she'd already sworn once. There was no point pretending to be perfectly elegant anymore.

"Aye aye, Captain." Then she turned around and opened the door as smoothly as if she'd known it was open. Perhaps she had. _God, she's fucking weird, isn't she?_

"My beautiful wife!" Since the news of a possible adoption, Thomas and Katie had been even closer than usual; he had obviously been waiting for her. Through the open living-room door she saw him raise and hurry out into the hallway to hug her. With the strangely dangerous girl standing just beside her with a smirk plastered on her face, Thomas' arms felt like a refuge to Katie. _Why the hell are you scared of her? She's the weak one here. And she's going to give you what you've always wanted._ "And this must be... "

He had obviously just assumed it was some sort of friend of hers. Katie was very happy to be able to tell him that it was not. "Effy. Naomi's friend." Thomas' eyes flicked down to Effy's stomach and a smile blossomed on his face as he took in the slight rounding of her shape. "She's come to talk to us about an adoption."

Thomas looked up into Effy's eyes again. Katie wondered for a moment if he saw the same strangeness in them that she did. "Thankyou, Elizabeth," he said, very sincerely, and how he knew her full name Katie wasn't sure. Maybe it was just one of those things Thomas _knew_. "Thankyou so, so much." And although his next words were evidently also directed at Effy, the connection had shifted, and it was now his wife he was looking at – _into_. "You have no idea how much this means to us."

Katie looked back at him, feeling the very slight brush of Effy's arm, close against her own, and felt more than ever how very true that was.

 **More?**


	3. Chapter 2

**Enjoy! Hopefully...**

 **Thankyou SO MUCH for your reviews!**

"So, would be looking at an open or a closed adoption?" Katie's iPad sat in one perfectly manicured hand, the other poised ready to tap down Effy's answer. Taking notes wasn't a particular _skill_ as such, but it was something she prided herself on doing with great care. In fact, Katie did everything with great care these days. It was so easy to get something wrong, to upset the balance. "We'd be very happy to send you updates about the child; have you meet him or her every now and again – if that's what you'd like."

Effy's nod was almost imperceptible, but Katie just about caught it, and she felt a pang of sympathy for the girl. It was what most people wanted. Katie supposed Effy was human in that regard; she had wanted that baby once, planned a future with that baby once. Not for the first time, Katie wished she knew more about the brunette. About the events that had led her to this decision. About the boyfriend who had left her behind in the most final of ways. And surpassingly, more about the girl herself. _Who_ _are_ _you_ , _Elizabeth_ _Stonem_?

"Would you rather go over the particulars now, or... ?"

"I think that can wait." Effy almost leapt to speak, evidently not wanting to forgo her chance to pull herself back into control. She was smirking again now, for pretty much no reason, and that irked Katie.

"Right. An open adoption." Her eyes met with Effy's again, although not for more than a moment. They were blue; almost painfully bright.

"That will be lovely." Thomas was grinning widely – the grin of someone desperately trying to ease tension, although Katie wasn't sure why or how that tension had even arisen in the first place. "It will be so good for the three of us to keep close contact. This will be a special experience for us." Katie felt a rush of affection for her husband.

"Yes, quite right." A wide grin. Effy nodded almost imperceptibly and Katie hated her again; the effortless subtlety of her speech and movements. She was beautiful in a way that Katie wasn't, and that brought out insecurities that the tailored young woman hadn't felt the sting of since her teenage years. Katie might have matured, but in her heart of hearts, she knew that for her, _everything_ rested on her sex appeal. Maybe it was a primal instinct, but she couldn't help being envious of the girl.

As if sensing the tension again in that inexplicable Tomone way, Thomas got to his feet. "Elizabeth, would you care to stay for a drink?" She smiled, actually genuinely smiled, and now Effy wasn't the only one Katie was envying: how did he manage to win the elusive brunette's respect so quickly, when she only managed to get herself into awkward situations?

"Love to," Effy replied, still smiling, although with more of a smirk in it now. Her voice sounded as if what she was saying was sarcasm, but apparently, it wasn't. _What a fucking riddle._

Grinning wildly, Thomas exited the room, presumably to fetch the said room. _Oh, fuck, leave me on my own with her, why don't you?_ Katie knew she was being irrational, that she had no real reason to dislike the girl, but she couldn't help but feel a sense of distrust when Effy was so openly provocative... in more ways than one.

He went, and once _fucking_ again, the tension was palpable – if Katie had a knife she could have cut it, although she'd have been more likely to have thrown it at the window. She felt like shattering something right now. _Why is something that should be so beautiful becoming so hellish?_ Although of course, being Katie, she wasn't going to let that show; she had to try and make conversation of a sort. "So. Effy."

Yeah, no, maybe conversation wasn't happening.

"Yes, Katie?" _How_ could just saying her name be made to sound so teasing? ( _When_ _it's_ _paired_ _with_ _a_ _smile_ _like_ _that_ _and those blue eyes_ , said something inside Katie.)

"Em – " – _what do I_ say, _what the fuck do I_ say – " – what do you do for a living, then, Effy?" Well, it was a shit question, but it was the first thing Katie thought of. Effy seemed to consider it for a while, before fixing her gaze on Katie again.

"Guess."

 _A fucking prostitute, I don't know._ "Are you a lawyer?"

"A _lawyer?"_ It wasn't shock; just yet more provocation. The sort of voice villains use in films when they're drawing the protagonist into some sort of riddled trap. "You think I'm a lawyer, do you?" _Well, no, not really._

"I take it you're not."

"I could be." Katie was losing patience.

"Well, what do you do, then?"

"I'm a lawyer."

There was a pause so deliciously full that Katie almost didn't want to break it, still, it was pretty impossible not to. " _Are_ you?" She hated the sense of childish dumb-founded curiosity in her voice, but there was no escaping it.

"No; I'm a waitress, as per cliché. I studied Economics at university but – circumstances led me to drop out." For some reason Katie hung onto those words more than anything else the brunette had said: maybe because it was the first actually detailed information Effy had divulged without being under pressure, maybe because of the sheer honesty of the statement. For a moment she even thought she saw a trace of vulnerability in the girl's eyes, but it was gone as soon as it was there, replaced by the obviously tradesmark smirk that Katie was growing to hate. "What about you?"

"I'm a wedding planner."

"How very Katie." _No, you don't know that. You don't know me at all._

But strangely, Katie was beginning to feel as if she did.

Thomas' return inspired the same gratitude and, to be frank, relief, that his presence always did in Katie. He handed both girls a glass of champagne, then sat down next to Katie and put his arm around her, making her feel inexplicably smug. _Effy_ , she thought suddenly, _must_ _be very lonely_ , and the smugness was instantly replaced with guilt.

"To Elizabeth's baby." He raised his glass.

"To Elizabeth's baby!" Katie echoed eagerly, clinking her drink against his with such vivace that a little champagne sloshed over the side of the glass. Effy raised her own glass wordlessly, yet with a wry smile that spoke more than words could, before touching it to her lips and slowly but steadily draining the whole glass. When finished she placed it gently on the arm of the chair, not having taken her eyes off the couple opposite her for a single moment. "To Elizabeth's baby," she repeated finally. Katie offered her a nervous, compliant nod; Thomas offered her another drink.

By the time there were multiple glasses of alcohol in all of their systems, the atmosphere had loosened considerably. Thomas had suggested music – an excellent idea, as his always were – and now even Effy was dancing and laughing. Champagne had turned into various doubtful cocktails and by this point all three of them were feeling more than a little tipsy. Even in the brief periods where Thomas would disappear into the kitchen (to return with more drinks, of course) the tension between Katie and Effy was noticeably less difficult.

It was during one of those periods that what Katie afterwards referred to internally as _the thing_ happened. She had just been in the bathroom, touching up her make-up (something she did regularly no matter the situation). When she returned, the song had changed, Thomas had gone – she knew why, of course, but it still threw her – and Effy was dancing. Like, properly dancing, not the jokey, self-conscious disco-esque movements that the three of them had been charading earlier. Her arms raised above her head, her body moving, snakelike, and her eyes closed. Somehow their hypnotic blue had even more power when it was being held back – Katie found herself almost willing her to open her eyes, just so she could see them again.

And she did. She opened her eyes and saw Katie standing there, quite clearly watching her. She didn't make any noise, but the look on her face was enough to make Katie gasp, to make her feel intrusive, embarassed, guilty – the way she imagined James must have felt when Emily would catch him watching Katie through the old keyhole in the bathroom door. She almost wanted to apologise, but somehow she was frozen, like a deer in headlights. A moment passed like that, a moment of length Katie couldn't tell, before somthing lifted. Effy's limbs relaxed, her arms lowered from their earlier position above her head, and she turned ever so slightly away, leaving Katie herself free to move forward into the room. Now she said sorry: now, when it didn't feel like it meant anything anymore.

"Not a problem," Effy replied drily in that typical teasing tone. Katie nodded, relieved, picking up a glass of champagne from where it sat on the coffee table and sitting down to take a sizeable gulp. _Everything's fine._ Still, something had changed in between them; somehow there seemed to be _less_ tension rather than more. As if that very tension had reached breaking point and just snapped. _Gone._ A relaxation that was probably due to the alcohol pervaded the air, and Katie could only it lasted. She would hate to be permanently at odds with this girl who was obviously going to feature so massively in her life.

Thomas returned bearing, of course, yet more drinks; Katie serenaded him with a whoop and a drunken arm slung around his shoulder. Now the feeling of Effy's eyes on her felt more like something to be proud of than something to fear, she wasn't sure why but the old feeling of wanting to flaunt herself in any way returned and she coaxed both of them back to their feet. Soon they were dancing again, not Effy-alone dancing, but it still felt important. Still felt real. _It's okay, I don't hate her and she doesn't hate me, and everything's going to be fine and everything's going to be_ perfect.

It was one in the morning when Effy finally left. They had been playing a sort of game for the last hour, Effy and Katie – Thomas had been charmingly oblivious – where every five or ten minutes, Katie would giggle and say something like "Better go soon, then, Effy," or "Late, right – maybe you should be getting home, babes?" and Effy would reply in a vaguely affirmative sense. Next time, Effy would be the first to bring up the subject, letting out an airy comment along the lines of "Keeping me much longer?" or "Dark, isn't it? Going, shouldn't I be?" and Katie would agree firmly, but in a way that insinuated very much how little either of them were going to do about that. Katie had the definite sense that whoever gave in first, whoever said it and meant it, would be the proclaimed loser.

Of course, it wasn't Effy. Katie gave in. She sighed with finality, walked over to the music player and turned it off. Thomas bore an expression of puppy-like disappointment, quickly replaced with rationality – "Oh, yes, that's true, you should go," and Effy only her usual smirk. This time, it meant, _I win._

They saw her out at the door, arms around each other and waving goodbye like an old couple saying farewell to a child who'd blessed them with a visit. Katie liked that feeling – of being more mature, more settled than Effy. She knew it was cruel to think that, considering what Naomi had told her about the girl's boyfriend, but she honestly couldn't help herself.

After watching the girl trudge away through the night (how she wasn't affected by the cold in clothes _that_ skimpy, Katie didn't know – and considering that Katie herself had once been master of the slutty outfit, that was somewhat a surprise) they returned inside. It was then that it occurred to her. "Alcohol," she said, simply and suddenly, as they stood together in the living room doorway staring at the various glasses strewn about over their sofas, chairs, coffee table, and, yes, floor. "She's pregnant, she can't have alcohol."

Thomas' expression was shocked at first, but he soon regained his usual calm. "It was a one-off," he told her firmly, doing what he always did – hiding his own concerns for Katie's sake, and she loved him, she loved him, she loved him so fucking much. "We'll ask to be careful in the future. Our baby will be well, don't worry. Plenty of mothers drink."

"Yeah, I know." She sighed, allowed him to put his arm around her waist, pull her close to him. He kissed the top of her head and she smiled. "Bit high-strung, babes. Been a weird night."

"I think it was a lovely night."

"No, it was, just funny to think. About us having a baby and all."

"You will be an excellent mother." The perfect compliment – insecure as she was, Katie was more than used to hearing about her beauty. Great tits, cute face, good dress sense. She wasn't surpassingly gorgeous, but she was _very_ pretty. She knew that. So something that insinuated a positive character trait relative to her actual _personality_ was strangely satisfying; especially when she knew that Thomas himself would be perfectly suited to parenthood, probably much more than she herself.

"And you."

"What, do you mean I will be an excellent mother, too?" She giggled; another bad joke that was also pretty brilliant. Just your standard Thomas fare.

"Yeah, you'll be perfect, you will. Already do all the cooking and cleaning, don't you?

"Don't push it." He poked her in the side and she let out another giggle; it quickly turned into a tussle... a tussle which quickly turned into a kiss. It was like that with Thomas – playful affection was wont to transform into something more... intimate. So _perfect._ Like in romance films. She moved her hands from his shoulders to his hips, then, as the kiss finished, transferred her head to his shoulder.

"Love you, babes."

"Love you too, Katie."

They stayed like that for quite some time, then began to pick up the glass littered around the room and put them away. When they went through to the kitchen, Katie found that he had been more than liberal with his use of their alcohol store. She cleaned up the spills and he put everything back where it was supposed to be. Finally they ascended the stairs together, her head lolling on his shoulder again.

They reached the bedroom and somehow made the mutual decision to pause in the doorway. Looking in, Katie imagined a cot at the foot of her bed, or sitting cross-legged on a pile of pillows and feeding the baby. In her image, she was always breast-feeding, although she knew it would be difficult to do so with an adopted baby. Still. Her dreams were all coming true, so why not this last one, too?

In their bed together, Thomas kissed her. He kissed her mouth, neck, breasts. He kissed other places. And she loved it; she moaned and gasped and came for him. Still, there were other things in her head that night – like Effy's bump, and Effy's smile, and Effy's eyes.

 _ **Et voila.**_ **Work is in progress on the next instalment... review if you can? I would love to know what y'all think of this :)**


	4. Chapter 3

**This one's pretty long for me, but I tend to write short chapters in general, so you can be the judge of that, I guess.**

 **Your reviews make me very happy :) Thankyou so much for them all, it honestly makes my day every time I read one. And I know, I know, I'm a bit eager with the story-posting... but what can I say? It's my calling ;)**

They arrived together at the waiting room. Thomas was surprised when Effy was late, whereas Katie felt that it was typical of her. The texts exchanged before this appointment had been sparse, their elusiveness representative of Effy herself. They had met only once since their little 'party', just to go over the finer details, to sort out the legal aspects of the adoption. Now was a sort of a moment of truth for Katie and Thomas – the first scan. Would the baby be healthy? Would Effy still be willing to give her child up when she saw it for the first time?

Thomas, on the other hand, was perfectly calm. He was reading a gardening magazine, which Katie would once have found vaguely amusing, but by now it really didn't surpise her. She herself was flicking through a back copy of _Bridal_ _Guide_. Wedding planning might have been her job, but it was her passion, too – and besides, she already had copies of all the _Cosmo_ and _Marie-Claire_ that was on offer back at home. (Katie greatly prided herself on being a women's magazine connoisseur.)

Katie was beginning to worry that the girl wouldn't actually turn up in time, and her suspicions were almost confirmed – _almost_ – when a nurse put her head out of the surgery door. "Do we have an Elizabeth Stonem here?"

They looked at each other at precisely the same moment. "Er – "

And right then, _right_ _at that very fucking time_ , an insouciant Effy appeared in the doorway of the waiting room. She looked at Katie. She looked at Thomas. She looked at the nurse. And she smiled – or rather smirked – and said in an airy voice, "Yes, that's me."

 _Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen anyone look more pleased with themselves._ The nurse appeared vaguely confused for a moment, then seemed to collect herself. "Right, anyone coming in with you, then?" Effy dragged her eyes over to where Thomas and Katie sat and nodded, as one might at a dog.

"These two."

Thomas jumped to his feet. "Thomas and Katherine Tomone. We're – "

"Going to take my baby," Effy finished with a deliciously teasing smile. Again, there was a look of faint surprise on the nurse's face, so Katie decided to clear it up for her just in case she really was as dim as she looked.

"What she means is we're going to adopt." A hurried Katie smile and the woman seemed satisfied, stepping back to let them into the room. Effy went first, walking with unmistakable _panache_ , then Thomas, his eyes open with an oddly childish expression that was not unlike wonder – and that was another thing Katie loved about him; his way of looking at even the most simple situations as if they contained brilliance – and lastly Fitch herself, huffing slightly. Being out-done in attractiveness was _not_ something she was keen on and Miss Mystery here was definitely threatening her throne. (But jealousy was stupid and immature and something Katie _was not feeling at all._ Absolutely no chance. Nope.)

They all knew the drill. Thomas and Katie took seats, Effy edged herself onto the weird-hospital-bed-chair-recliner thing and lay down. Maybe Katie was making it up, but she could have sworn she saw a moment of anxiety in the brunette's eyes as her hands went to the hem of her top. Of course, it wasn't exactly like Effy ever wore much anyway, but exposing her pregnant stomach was a different kind of vulnerability. And Katie no longer felt the savage pleasure of seeing the girl having to admit her humanity, just a faint sense of something that almost verged on sympathy.

The woman pulled on a pair of gloves, then turned to where her patient of sorts lay. She began to rub gel into her stomach with a no-nonsense attitude, and Effy visibly squirmed at the cold sensation. Katie, for her part, was fascinated with the whole procedure – not just because of her own longing for pregnancy, but because there was something strangely intimate about watching the woman apply the substance to Effy's stomach, her clever nurse's fingers expertly kneading the girl's skin. It was difficult not be impressed at the litheness of Effy's form, slender and athletic – the curve of her baby bump hardly visible, but Katie felt that even if it had been, it would have detracted nothing from her beauty.

She was shaken away from staring at Effy's stomach by a gentle nudge from her husband. The nurse was moving a sensor over the now gel-coated skin, and as such images (completely different from the images in Katie's head. Excited as she was at seeing what could be her baby for the first time, for some reason, she just couldn't stop replaying the nurse's fingers spreading the gel over Effy's stomach. Which was weird. And completely inexplicable) were beginning to be displayed on the screen.

Looking up at them, however, something very much akin to joy began to affect Katie. She'd done enough jealous research on pregnancy to know that the gender wouldn't be revealed at this scan, but that didn't stop her from internal speculation. She was rooting for a girl; a girl she could teach about lipstick, and leopard-print, and lusty teenage boys. _And names? Maybe Jenna, after Mum, or... Holly or Megan or something. Yeah, Megan sounds good. Mr and Mrs Tomone with their daughter Meg._

And that moving flicker of grey and white she saw on the monitor? _That's my baby. That's Megan, or whatever._ _Whoever._ _Oh, fuck, this is surreal._ As if reading her thoughts, Thomas gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and she was grateful, grateful for all the wonderful things that happened to bring her here, to this hospital room, at this very moment.

Effy, on the other hand, seemed mildly disinterested in whatever her unborn child was getting up to. Obviously for her this appointment was more for the benefit of Thomas and Katie than the elusive Stonem girl, because she had merely glanced at the monitor, then closed her eyes. Katie felt a stab of annoyance. She wasn't at all religious, but she still found it unfair that, somehow, this girl had been blessed with a pregnancy and just didn't fucking care, whereas Katie wanted a child more than anything in the world and would never be able to bear one herself.

 _Shut up,_ said a more rational – and more blunt – voice from inside her head. _You're a lucky bitch for even having met this girl, so count your fucking blessings._

After what seemed like merely moments due to the sheer bliss of the event, but must have been much longer, Effy adjusted her shirt so that it once again covered (most of) her stomach and slipped artfully down from the bed-chair-thing. "A very healthy foetus; I wish you luck," burbled the nurse enthusiastically. Knowing that the comment was probably not intended for her, Katie kept quiet, and yet again felt that indignance when Effy didn't take the chance to acknowledge it either. Once again Thomas saved the day.

"Thankyou, Miss," was his eager reply, paired with a charming smile, and the tension was relieved as suddenly as it had arisen. He was making such an effort to make this work, and Katie realised that she should probably put a little more into it, too.

Thomas kissed Katie's cheek and disappeared to go running, and the two women were left in the waiting room. Katie had left her magazine lying open on the seat in which she had waited, and felt vaguely embarrassed at Effy's condescending smirk on noticing it. _What's so wrong with liking flowers and pouffy dresses?_

It occurred to Katie at this point that anyone but she and Effy would have made the situation vaguely awkward, but both girls were the sort to get straight to the point. As it was, Effy got there first, moving in closer to Katie like some lithe and hungry feline. "You don't like me, do you?" It wasn't self-conscious, it wasn't even an accusation. She wasn't hurt, or angry: merely observant. _She's smart,_ Katie thought with a twinge, and for once she managed to admire the girl instead of envying her.

"Excuse me?" Katie tried to retain her dominance in the conversation. Effy merely smiled serenely. She obviously wasn't going to clarify herself. "I mean, I don't think that's a very – I think you're extremely – " _Nope, formal Katie has left you firmly behind._ "What the _fuck_ do you mean?"

"Or maybe I'm wrong," Effy added suddenly, obviously bored of Katie's desperate attempts to rationalise her open distrust of the girl. "Maybe you like me... too much?"

"What?"

"Oh, I think you know what I mean." _No, I fucking don't, actually._

She laughed, and it was a prettier noise than Kate had imagined – still enigmatic but there seemed to be an element of general amusement in it. _Happiness. Does this girl know what it is? Does she even have emotions at all?_ Her mind strayed again to the dead boyfriend Naomi had mentioned, and she cringed.

"Whatever." Remembering her earlier resolution to be nicer to Effy, Katie decided to change the subject. "You up for grabbing a coffee?" she tried.

The look of mild surprise lasted only for a moment, before she was once again bearing an I-know-something-you-don't smile. She obviously couldn't think of a witty retort, however, because instead of answering she simply held eye contact expectantly. Katie took it as a yes – there wasn't exactly much else to assume, was there?

They walked out of the hospital room and down the street in silence, which was strangely comfortable. Effy was wearing strong perfume, and the fact that they were walking so close to one another meant that it easily masked the smell of cigarettes and sweat that pervaded an average pavement. Katie had expected Effy to be the smoking type herself, but hopefully she'd given up at least _that_ on the advent of her pregnancy.

Starbucks was the closest to the hospital, so that's where they went. Katie ordered a cappuccino, Effy went for tea, stating that "caffeine can't exactly be good for baby darling." _So no cigarettes, and no coffee, but drowning yourself in my husband's alcoholic concoctions is absolutely fine?_ Katie didn't voice her thoughts, trying to remember her promise to herself to be more welcoming to the girl – who was after all fulfilling pretty much everything she'd wanted since she was ten, and just beginning to notice boys for more than the inevitable primary school 'guess who's got a boyfriend' games. (Around the same time that Emily was beginning to notice something entirely different, but Katie wasn't sure why she was thinking about that.)

The silence became too long for Katie, so she finally brought up the only thing she could think of. "No coffee, given up smoking – _very_ concerned about this baby, aren't you?"

A pause. Effy, obviously not knowing what to say, dipped one long, slender finger into her tea and began to stir it gently. After about twenty seconds of that, she lifted it into her mouth and licked it carefully from nail to base. "Mmm." Another pause. "I wonder, Katie, how you knew that I smoked?" _One up to me._ Katie's vow of friendliness was instantly forgotten. _See, I can play the guessing game, too._

"A lucky guess." Effy nodded slowly, not breaking eye contact for a second.

"If you must know," she drawled, "and I'm perfectly aware what you're insinuating, I drink because I have to. Cigarettes, coffee... I miss those. But if I didn't drink... " Her voice tailed off delicately: this confession was the closest Effy had come to emotional, Katie realised suddenly, but she was still betraying nothing. Katie felt her cheeks burn as she realised how intrusive she had been – once upon a time that would have been standard Katie behaviour (she cringed as she remembered her failed attempts to sabotage Emily and Naomi's relationship back in the early days) but she was trying to be a little more polite.

Still, the health of *her* unborn baby was something Katie was willing to fight for. "Don't you think you should cut down at all?"

"Month four now, isn't it? Out of my hands." She smirked in an annoying I've-won kind of way. _Oh, fuck off. I'm willing to bet I know a hell of a lot more about this than you do._

"No, it isn't, actually. Even in the last six months of the pregnancy, drinking can cause a variety of harmful effects such as foetal alcohol syndrome, premature birth, low birth weight... " She chose not to finish her list when she saw the look Effy was giving her.

The girl obviously wasn't interested at all in anything Katie had to say – except for purposes of her own private analysis – because those snake-like blue eyes currently had more than a touch of a ' _Seriously?'_ look in them. Finally she chose to speak. "There's two very different versions of you, aren't there, Katie? Katie fucking Fitch... " _How the fuck does she know about that?_ "... and Katherine Tomone, all straight-laced and formal... and honestly, boring as fuck."

It was true. And Katie didn't really know what to say.

x

"... beginning to think I would have at least a _little_ more fucking sympathy for her if she even _tried_ to be polite, but no, it's all this stupid Freudian bullshit, and – "

"Freudian?" Naomi's eyes were glittering.

"Well, I don't know. She thinks she can like, psycho-analyse me, or some shit."

"Probably can. You're not _that_ hard to figure out."

Katie turned to Emily, bearing a pleading expression. " _Why_ do you have to be dating this bitch?" She shrugged, but there was a teasing look in those innocent brown eyes. _Urgh, she's practically insufferable since she fell for the lezzer cunt._

Katie didn't exactly have much to defend herself with, so she tried collapsing onto the sofa opposite Mrs and Mrs Happy Families with an over-dramatic sigh. A note of sympathy crept into Emily's eyes – _ha,_ she _always_ weakens first – and she placed a hand on Naomi's knee, like they were Katie's parents, about to break some terrible news to her.

"Look, Katie, she's really helping you, isn't she? So why don't you just try to be nice to her?" _I liked my sister so much better when she did whatever I said._ "And she's obviously had some – _trauma_ – in her life." She shot a glance at Naomi, obviously hoping for more information, but her girlfriend was absent-mindedly biting her nails, apparently having lost all interest in the conversation.

"Like I fucking said, I would – if she was anywhere _near_ tolerable. I mean, she's alright when she tries to be, but it's like she gets a kick out off being a bitch."

"Sounds a bit like you, Katie. I'd have thought you'd get on perfectly." _Nai-fucking-omi, a-fucking-gain._ Emily shot her a reproachful look, Katie opted for a more simplistic approach – the finger.

"No, I'm serious. She gets on my fucking nerves and I think she actually enjoys it."

Now it was Emily's turn to sigh. _Obviously, with me and Naomi biting each other's heads off every five seconds, she gets a little tired of being the voice of reason. Not that she has much. Ever since she set eyes on the blonde bitch it's like everything she does is driven by her fucking fanny – or her heart, I think she'd say, which is even more vomit-worthy._

"Can you two lay off each other for just one moment?"

Their no was simultaneous.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." She turned her attention back to Katie. "Kay, you only have to put up with her – um, just had the three month scan, isn't it? Yeah. So that's another six months of meetings, and then she fucks off and you have a pretty little baby.

"No, she doesn't," Katie mumbled. "We're doing an open adoption."

Emily looked surprised for a moment, but soon regained her composure. "Right. Well." She paused. "Do you want this baby?"

"Of course I fucking want the baby!"

"Then you're going to have to deal with the bitch – not that she is one, because I severely doubt that." They held eye contact for a moment... then she was distracted by Naomi, who was obviously feeling left out, nuzzling her neck.

"Ask her to go, babes?" Emily giggled – Katie snarled.

" _Naoms..._ she's my sister... and she needs – " She was cut off by the nuzzle turning into a kiss. _Oh, for fuck's sake._ Emily giggled again. " – she needs some – " _Yeah, seems she's pretty much given up on sanity for now._ " – advice – oh – _Naomi!_ "

After at least five minutes of excruciating PDA, Katie gave up, got to her feet and left. She wanted to be out of that place before they switched to horizontal.

 **How was that?**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thankyou so much for all of your support! It makes me so happy :)**

 **'Fraid this chapter has less seductive Effy and more... well, you'll see.**

Emily's advice might have been excruciatingly self-righteous, but in the end, Katie decided to take it. Effy was bordering on bitchy sometimes, but what she wasn't was boring, and they ended up getting on... not _well_ exactly, but sort of okay. They had laughs sometimes, and she obviously thought Thomas was adorable. Her little smile whenever he stepped in to save the odd tension between the two girls that sometimes arose was indication enough. Katie never felt jealous, however. She knew Effy wouldn't go there, and what's more, she knew that Thomas wouldn't, either. _I mean, a) he loves me, and_ _b) smart, beautiful and mysterious or no smart, beautiful and mysterious, what sane man would be tempted by another with_ this _body as his personal place of worship?_

So in a tentative way, Thomas, Effy and Katie formed a friendship. There was a niggling part of Katie that told her they wouldn't be able to maintain this after the birth of the baby – they were planning an open adoption and so she'd still be seeing the child every now and again anyway, but she couldn't be a 'family friend'. The kid had to know from an early age that _Katie_ was its mother, not her. They'd already discussed that Thomas and Katie would be there at the birth, that she would be the first to hold it, that if she didn't manage to breastfeed then they'd use a bottle, not Effy. It had to be like that.

Thomas, however, had none of these doubts, which was equal parts worrying and naively cute. He even arranged a little _rendezvous_ with a few friends... It was an average Saturday and he, Effy and Katie were reclining in the Tomone sitting room with fizzy pop (no matter what Effy did in her own time, Katie was staunchly no longer serving her alcohol) and an absence of legal documents, credited to the truce that had developed between the two women. This was a purely social occasion.

Katie was just handing around the shortbread when he came up with the idea. Just a few friends each, he said, with fancy crisps and some unobtrusive music. They could laugh and talk about politics and generally be adults... what wasn't to like? _Well, nothing,_ thought Katie at first, and phoned up Emily and Naomi – she might have difficulty putting up with the latter on occasion, but the couple _were_ her main social port of call. She considered asking JJ and Lara, too, but decided they'd probably be too busy with plans for their upcoming wedding.

Effy herself talked excitedly – _ooh_ , _an emotion_ , _how rare,_ was Katie's first thought – about a brother who worked 'well, he won't tell us where he works, but he makes a lot of money' and said brother's multilinguist girlfriend, plus a friend named Pandora - anecdotes revolving around whom amused Thomas and Katie for several hours. "She's a little kooky, but... " Her eyes gleamed, and Katie drank in every last word. For some reason, the idea of Effy having such love and adoration for people as that which she obviously had for her brother and for this Pandora girl warmed her. She acted like a bitch half the time, and yes, she'd obviously been hurt (well, who wouldn't have been?) by the death of her boyfriend, but there was a glimmer of a warm person beneath that shell... sometimes.

So the fateful day approached and Katie was becoming more and more worried about whether such an event – between people whose relationship should be strictly practical – was really appropriate. Still, Thomas' obvious excitement – it had been a while since they'd had friends round – and the thought of meeting Effy's friends, who intrigued her, managed to curb her doubts. It wasn't like she had much time to worry anyway; _two_ clients had hen parties the day before the party and she'd been tense enough waiting for news on how they had gone that she wasn't really thinking about anything else.

Thomas prepared various snacks and dips, Katie picked out a selection of wines. They'd decided on smart, but not particularly formal, dress, and personally, she thought she looked both gorgeous _and_ mature enough to become in a mother in five, five and a half months. She'd piled her hair onto her head, leaving stunning emerald earrings that had been a third anniversary present from Thomas – in addition to an amazingly sexy leather skirt, they hadn't _completely_ forgotten tradition – to take pride of place. She then opted for a slightly less flashy navy pencil skirt and a green satin blouse that she felt displayed just the right degree of cleavage. Finished off with skyscraper heels, the balance was perfectly struck between heartbreaker and homemaker.

First to arrive was Effy, with a bottle of rosé. (She hadn't opened it. Katie checked.) Next, Naomi and Emily, who had apparently 'forgotten' to ring the doorbell. Katie was just going through to the kitchen to pick up some more dip when she noticed them quite plainly making out on the porch. _Honestly, who do they think they are? A pair of horny fucking teenagers? I haven't seen them go at it like this for years._

Emily blushed a little; Naomi simply smiled that self-satisfied smile. In one of Katie's soppier moments she might admit that anyone should be proud to have a girlfriend like her sister, but this was not one. She ordered them inside and instructed them not to get her couch wet, earning only an eye roll from the peroxide and an embarrassed giggle from Emily.

Tony and his girlfriend – Michelle, Katie learned – arrived next. Tony in particular was a real charmer, constantly flirtatious with both his girlfriend _and_ anyone else within perving range. Yet somehow he seemed to sell it. Katie felt sure that had they been a lot younger (and more importantly, single) then she would have fallen for him in five minutes flat. With dark hair and captivating blue-green eyes, he was as intelligent as he was attractive, like a male version of his sister. A little more straight-talking, maybe, but that was about it. Michelle seemed like a bit of a ditz on first sight, but was actually pretty smart, and a nice girl, honestly. She and Katie had swapped telephone numbers within the first five minutes.

Pandora was (un)fashionably late, which Effy called typical. (Pot? Kettle? Katie still boiled when she thought about that first scan.) She was a nice girl, even beat Emily in the dippy stakes, but didn't really fit Effy's description of her. Katie'd heard stories about an eccentric innocent with a quaint vocabulary and an off-the-wall dress sense, instead she got a demure, slightly day-dreamy twenty-something in a plain pink dress who blinked and said 'yeah, blimey' in a far-away voice every now and then. She settled for 'permanently distracted' as the best way to describe the girl and decided not to pursue it.

Luckily, everyone seemed to be getting along. Naomi and Emily had stopped snogging long enough for the younger Fitch twin to strike up a conversation with Pandora, Effy and Tony were obviously very happy to be back in each other's company, and Naomi and Michelle actually seemed to be fairly compatible in terms of shared interests – Michelle had made some vague comment about global warming and what had once been stilted small talk became a heated discussion singing the praises of what Katie dubbed 'hippy bullshit'.

All perfect, right? Seemed like everything was perfect in Katie's life right now.

x

"... but a beautiful girl like you surely doesn't need to worry about that, Katie?" Hearing her name – especially in the same sentence as the word beautiful – made Katie's head snap back to the conversation, from which a few too many drinks had temporarily transported her. Tony was extolling the virtues of adoption over natural birth, currently pointing out how pregnancy could affect the looks of a women, which Katie found both insensitive and blatantly misogynistic. He was definitely charming, attractive and intelligent, but she was fast discovering that he was also, quite frankly, a dickhead.

Katie allowed him an airy laugh. Not knowing what to say to that, she tried a plain old "More fizzy?" with another sweet Fitch-trying-not-to-be-a-bitch smile.

"Oh, I've got – " He indicated the glass of champagne that rested on the edge of our coffee table, and leaned forwards to pick it up. Evidently he'd moved since he'd put it down, since it was just out of his reach. Grunting faintly in discomfort, he got up to pick it up, but Katie was closer. She leant forwards easily, picked it up, and passed it to him. Her movements slightly affected by the alcohol she'd consumed, the passing of the drink didn't happen as smoothly as she had intended.

Months later Katie still didn't quite understand what happened there. She moved the drink quickly towards him, and her misguided hand meant it was somewhere near his eyes – a centimetre away from his face, a few drops sloshing over the edge. _Mildly embarrassing for me at the worst, surely?_ Anyone normal person would have just started, then maybe laughed a little and took the drink. But no; something strange happened to Anthony Stonem at that moment. He moved back slightly from the drink. His eyes widened, then blinked several times in succession. He shuddered very slightly. His breath got heavier for a moment.

Then it was over. Tony reached out to take the drink, with an embarrassed smile and a hushed apology. It was a bit weird, but Katie was prepared to forget all about it. She picked up her own glass and took a grateful sip, attempting to fill the resultant gap in conversation with mutual drunkenness.

But it was Effy's reaction which was the strangest; it was Effy's reaction which was, quite frankly, hyperbolic. Katie made brief eye contact with her across the room and was shocked at the look of honest fear that had crossed the younger girl's face. She stared at her brother for a moment, blue eyes stretched wide with anxious anticipation, then got to her feet and literally ran out of the room, her heavy breathing confirming that she was having trouble holding back tears.

"Oh, fuck." Tony stood up. "Effy!" He sighed. "Fuck, _Effy_!" From now there were sounds of racking sobs coming from the kitchen and Katie had never been so confused in her life. Tony let loose another string of swear words, the tendency for which, according to his anecdotes of earlier, he inherited from his father, then turned around to apologise to the rest of the room. "She gets like this," was his only justification before he was off after her.

Pandora bit her nails, Michelle grimaced. Naomi had gone white and Emily and Thomas both appeared thoroughly confused. Katie, on the other hand, was angry. _Who the fuck does she think she is? Minor spaz on the part of brother dear and she's crying her little heart out? Fucking hell, this kid is messed up._

She marched across the hallway and into the kitchen, aggressively slamming the door behind her. However awkward the conversation would now be between those left in the sitting room, Katie had a feeling that this confrontation would be better put to stay personal to her and the Stonems.

"Right, anyone thinking about explaining this to me?" _No fucking point trying to stay calm._ Effy was snivelling in her brother's arms, a brother who, despite his obvious discomfort in the situation, looked at least 10% more caring than he did impatient. Those blue eyes were rimmed in a painful pinkish red and in her left hand she was clutching... a bottle of vodka. _Oh no. Oh no you fucking don't. I don't even know where you got it from, but that's not the important thing._ "Excuse me?"

Finally Effy looked at her, still sobbing pathetically in an entirely un-Stonem like way. _What the hell set her off like this?_ "Look, I don't know where you got that from, Effy, but I severely doubt it's yours. I can't stop you from drinking in your own time but I _can_ stop you risking the health of _my_ baby in _my_ own home."

Effy didn't seem to be listening, but her brother rose to Katie's bait – his eyes glistening with a snakelike fervour. " _Your_ baby? Getting a little ahead of yourself there, little Fitch?" _Fuck._ Katie was lost for words. _Okay, even I can admit that that was taking liberties._ He moved closer, leaving Effy to lean back against the counter alone, still lost in a pool of her own misery. "Look, beautiful, you may be the rich one with the frankly quite lovely chest – " – _fucking hell, he actually is as much of a pervert as he looks –_ " – but my sister is fragile, and she doesn't appreciate your privileged jibing. Alright?"

" _Fragile_? Fucking _fragile_? What kind of excuse is that? I don't know what your little spaz attack was, or why it upset _Little_ _Miss Fragile_ so much, but I am _not letting her drink._ Just because her fucking boyfriend offed and – "

Again, his movements were as quick as to be reptilian. No sooner had the word 'boyfriend' escaped her than Katie was literally pinned against the wall, arms held firmly to her sides and Tony's face less than an inch from hers. His voice came out in a hiss, contrasting against Effy's pathetic hiccups in the background. " _Do not mention him. Do not fucking mention that boy."_

There was no particular threat, but there might as well have been. Katie could honestly say that it was a long, long time since she had felt as scared as she did pressed up against that kitchen counter... maybe even forever. Looking into those predatory eyes, it was apparent just how much power the elder Stonem really held. _He could do anything. Any sort of thing. Physical, sexual, emotional. He could do anything to me. And no-one would ever need to know._

A long, tense minute passed. Katie didn't say a thing. She didn't know if she could. Finally he leant back; the defeat must have been apparent in her eyes. "Okay?" came his voice.

"Okay."

He seemed to relax somewhat, and although Katie still felt scared – very much so – it didn't seem as if she was in any immediate danger anymore. Besides which, Effy seemed to be recovering somewhat, and (although she told herself later that this was completely unjustifiable) something inside her said that Tony would do nothing to her whilst Effy was there.

It was then that the girl herself finally spoke. She'd finished the vodka, which Katie decided she'd better not comment on, and had scrubbed at her face with her hands enough that it was somewhere near a semblance of normality. "Out of order, Katie," came her wavering, vulnerable whisper, and although it still inspired anger in her, Katie thought it best not to reply. "I don't know if I want this to continue after... " _Shit. Shit. Shit._ "... After that. I'm going to get my coat."

She stalked out of the room, obviously still trying to maintain some vestige of pride, and Katie was left alone with the cobra. "Oh, God." It was the only thing she could think of to say.

"Fucked up there, little Katie."

"I'm not _little,"_ Katie hissed. (Which was both a lie and irrelevant.) Tony just smirked, obviously not particularly keen to bring back the tension of earlier. "Now, when the fuck are you going to explain to me what your little spaz attack was all about?"

"Firstly, chocolate box, I'd rather you didn't use that term. And secondly, I don't owe you anything, much less private information."

"Fuck off." He laughed at that, a genuinely warm laugh. Still, it wasn't enough to make Katie forget his terrifying attack of earlier, much less the abortion (okay, that term was a little too close to home) of her arrangement with Effy.

"It isn't much. When I was in college I was hit by a bus. It turned out to be... very problematic for my development. Took me a long time to recover. Occasionally I have a little episode. Nothing serious, but it upsets her. As I said, she's.. fragile."

"Right. Yeah." Katie paused. "Sorry."

Tony shrugged. "Sorry's not what I'm looking for, princess – nor Effy either, I assume. Your little assault was just a teensy bit upsetting for her."

"Yeah. I saw that."

"On the other hand – " – and for a moment there Katie's heart jumped, told her that maybe, _maybe_ there was a chance of – " – _I_ am a completely different matter." Before she could register what he meant, she was near enough pinned against the counter again. A wandering hand rested just beneath her breast. "Care to make it up to me, sweetie pie?"

Maybe she should have known better, but at that point, Katie couldn't resist. She reached out and punched the stupid fucker straight in his arrogant face.

Needless to say, the party was over.

 **Yeah, I know, I know, my portrayal of Tony was less than sympathetic, but that's the character I needed for this story.**

 **Anyway, I really really hope you enjoyed that :) Another update tomorrow? Or am I too keen?**


	6. Chapter 5

**This one's a bit lacking in everyone's favourite mystery, I'm afraid, but the next chapter will be a little _interlude a la Stonem_ so hopefully that will make up for it?**

 **Emily has come to play a bigger part in this story than I expected, so I've changed Pandora for her in the character list. Don't worry, we'll still have our [Pandora M, Thomas T]. I love them too much to leave them out!**

 **That being said, Miss Moon does have a slightly larger role in this chapter... but I'll leave you to find that out for yourself.**

 **Your reviews make me so happy; I have to thank you again for them all :)**

That night, Katie cried longer and harder than she ever had in her life. Gone; gone were all those dreams of her little Megan Emily... or a boy, she didn't really care what gender it was, not in truth. She told Thomas everything, from Tony's injury, to Effy's 'fragility', to the elder Stonem's sexual advances on her. He held her and soothed her, typical Thomas calm for most of her story – although that latter piece of information made him angry, which helped Katie retain at least a little of her feminine pride. He even threatened to call up Tony's girlfriend and tell her, but Katie told him not to bother. She had got the feeling from seeing Michelle's sadly knowing eyes as they exited the kitchen that it wasn't the first time Anthony Stonem had tested the boundaries of fidelity.

She left several voice messages on Effy's phone, none but the first of which were acknowledged (and that one only with a brief text, simply _no._ ) They were all the same anyway; they began with Katie speaking in a professional voice, apologising for her behaviour and sometimes even offering money, which she knew was illegal, and MDMA at twenty-one had been the last time Katie had even thought of breaking the law. They ended with tears. Mrs Katherine Fitch Tomone was shedding a _lot_ of those at the moment.

Her friends were perfectly reassuring. Thomas was kind, caring and loving, Emily offered soothing words and far-fetched visions of hope (whilst Naomi simply suggested briskly but reasonably that they find someone else to adopt from, which made Katie cry again and Emily get all reproachful.) Even Pandora turned up at their doorstep, bearing a nervously apologetic look and a plate of biscuits. Out of them all, she was possibly the most re-assuring: her close connection to Effy made her comments on the girl's high-strung nature give Katie all the more of that self-righteous feeling which was more often than not her only refuge nowadays.

The one possibly positive outcome of this was the increase in intimacy between her and Thomas. They had always been a close couple – people say marriage takes the spice out of relationships, but that didn't seem to have been true for them – but somehow a further connection seemed to be developing between them that Katie didn't think had been there before. It wasn't just sex, either, it was more long evenings drinking and talking, more 'couple time': nights out at cinemas, days at gardens or museums, or just being snuggled up on the couch together with pizza and TV.

Still. It might have been good, but it was nothing like the life she had previously seen for the two of them – no longer just a loved up couple, but a mother and father. Katie had wanted this intimacy, this affection, this _companionship_ in a relationship for a long time, but before that, more than that, she wanted a child. And although what Naomi said was true – adoption was still an option – it felt to her that all her hopes of motherhood had walked out of the door with the shadowy, perceptive Effy.

Maybe talking about children again at a later date might still have been on the cards, but as it was, just mentioning parenthood got Katie emotional. A less understanding husband might have tired of her irrational weepiness, but Thomas knew how much this meant to her. A lifetime of being misunderstood, of being labelled as a stupid slut whose only asset was her sizeable chest, led the elder Fitch twin to want something more than just a comfortable life and a loving husband. She wanted a way to create an imprint... a piece of her left behind on the earth after she was gone. And more than that, she wanted someone who would look up to her, love her unconditionally, _respect_ her. Maybe that was why she had treated Emily the way she had when they were younger. Maybe she was simply a control freak. Thomas didn't know, but what he did know was that he loved his wife and that he wanted her to be happy, and so he stayed quiet on the adoption front.

Strangely, it was a rather unlikely hero who prompted Katie to get back on track. Her saviour came in the form of... a phonecall from Jenna Fitch.

"Darling?" Hearing her mother's voice, Katie just sighed.

"Yeah, mum?"

"We haven't spoken in a while." It was true, but Katie knew there had to be a better reason than that for the call. If you forgot the selfishness, the controllingness, and the vapid homophobia, Jenna was a reasonably well-meaning person – but selfishness, controllingness, and vapid homophobia were not easy things to forgot.

"No."

"How are you and Thomas?"

"We're fine."

"Good. That's good." She paused. "Katie, there's something I'd like to ask about."

"Right. Yeah?"

"Since Emily appears to be – _content_ – with that Naomi girl, and James isn't, ah, _settling_ _down_ , either... " James' early fascination with the female form had led most people to believe he would be firmly straight, but they had been wrong, and Katie had seriously thought her mother would have a heart attack when she'd learnt that not one, but _two_ of her precious children were defying her heteronormative expectations of them. "... I was wondering if you two were ever thinking of... ?"

 _Oh_ , _shit_. Most days Katie was happy about her mother's continuing ignorace of her infertility, but right now, she wished she'd told her a _long_ time ago. "Of what?" Katie asked in a brittle tone, not wanting to do Jenna's dirty work for her. Still, a sense of foreboding filled her. _How the fuck am I going to tell her about_ this _situation?_

"Of – well, of continuing the Fitch lineage, darling. You know I want grandchildren."

"Emily and Naomi can still – "

"That _isn't_ the same thing." Now Jenna's voice cut brutally across that of her daughter's, and Katie winced. She and Emily had had to learn to love their mother despite her faults, but at times like this, it proved increasingly difficult.

"Why not?"

"It isn't – _biological."_

"It can be, they're finding ways to – "

" _Katie!"_ At that, Katie decided that maybe now wasn't the best to time to relearn something she'd been taught at a very young age – _never_ challenge Jenna Fitch when she's latched onto an idea. "Are you telling me you and Thomas don't want children?"

Katie swallowed, trying to getrid of that raw sensation in her throat. Not only was this awkward, it was now becoming rather emotionally difficult, too. "Well, we've thought about it, Mum, but – "

"Yes?" Clear voice, clear intention. And Katie knew if she didn't say _something_ then she was going to end up saying the truth, tears and all. So she just let go with the first thing that came into her head.

"Well, the thing is, Mum, I didn't want to tell you just yet, but – I'm pregnant."

x

Thomas was angry. He was actually _angry_.

That's not to say that Katie didn't think he had the right to be. Of course he did. She had told an enormous, unjustifiable lie, and it was going to be a _long_ time before either of them saw the end of it. It was just that it had been such a very long time since she had seen him display any negative emotion – let alone _anger._

It wasn't the sort of clichéd anger where he was now only talking to her when he needed her to pass the butter. Thomas and Katie just didn't _do_ that. But when she'd first told him what she'd said – which had been awkward and painful enough as it was – he had shouted at her for five straight minutes, and only apologised when she started crying. He also kept asking her, in ominous voices, if they could 'talk'. And she knew it was her fault, knew that she had royally messed up over that phone conversation, but it was still strange. Thomas just didn't _do_ angry and it made her feel pretty shit to know that she had fucked up to such a degree that that had, apparently, changed.

Katie had suggested, several times, that they just tell Jenna she'd miscarried, but Thomas' sense of right and wrong wasn't having it. "We'll have to tell the truth sooner or later," was his mantra, and although Katie disagreed firmly with _that_ particular bit of wisdom, she saw his point. Even if she could, it wouldn't be fair or good to carry on lying to her mother forever... even if she could, and even if a part of her was saying _Fuck fair or good, this is Jenna Fitch we're talking about here._

What she _wasn't_ going to do was call her mother back and tell her straight out that she'd lied. Striking off those two options, she was pretty much left with _Wait six months then pretend Mum forgot you were supposed to be having a baby._ Not exactly a compliment to Jenna's intelligence, and thus neither was it viable.

In the end it was Pandora who saved the day. She'd been coming over quite regularly since the party; she wasn't in any way the bright, kooky bundle of energy that Effy had described, but she was a nice girl and got on well with both of them, especially Thomas. The two would spend long afternoons cooking and baking together whilst Katie was out at work, and then she could return to a tasty, home-made dinner, plus cake for pudding, as well as wine and conversation with her husband and a girl who was quickly shaping up to become a good friend. Katie was still intrigued by the discrepancy between Effy's description of the girl and Pandora herself, but didn't bring it up. After all, how important could it be?

"Panda," said Katie amiably one day, over a plate of crisp, delicious salad accessorised with garlic croutons, "do you think there's any chance you could get Effy to speak to us?" The girl looked faintly scared at the proposition, and Katie hurried to justify herself. "It's just that everything was going so well, and now – "

She faltered, and sensing this, Thomas cut across. "Do you know what she's planning to do regarding the baby now?" Again, Panda was pretty much silent. "Really, we'd just like a chance to apologise to her."

Pandora sighed. "Well, I shouldn't, but – " She giggled indulgently. "I s'pose it _would_ be good if – " Again, she gave that little laugh, but didn't elaborate any further. It was the most they'd got out of her for a while, so Katie let it be, until Panda unexpectedly decided to further the topic herself a few minutes later. "Blimey, this is bad, but I 'ave 'ad an idea if you're interested, like." A last little giggle.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I dunno. Let Panda work 'er magic, isnit?" She laughed again and went back to her food. Thomas and Katie couldn't help but exchange looks.

x

Katie was in a despicably bad mood. Not a low level, it's-been-kind-of-a-shitty-day bad mood, but a full on, Storm-Katie-is-due-to-hit bad mood. It had been four days since the conversation with Pandora and the brief hope of that interaction had been pretty much put out of her mind... her bad mood was focussed almost wholly on one particular target.

Naomi Campbell.

It wasn't like she didn't _usually_ hate the bitch; they had never got on well, especially since she converted Emily to the ways of the woman. (Katie was as unlikely to admit that her sister would have been gay with or without the blonde as she was to admit that actually, she had absolutely no problem with homosexuality whatsoever.) But _this?_ This took it to a whole new fucking level.

Jenna and Rob had invited Katie, Thomas, Emily and James back to their place for dinner, and as usual, Emily had insisted that Naomi be allowed to visit, too. Jenna had pursed her lips and set another place at the table. Even she had to admit that her arguments with the younger twin were beginning to get a _little_ excessive.

So they were all sat around the table, eating and chatting as happily as was concievable for a family like the Fitches, when Jenna dropped the bombshell – obviously assuming that Emily and Naomi already knew about Katie's 'pregnancy'. (Which would have been a fair assumption... if Katie had actually been pregnant.)

It was just an off-hand comment. Rob poured out the wine, and Jenna reminded him not to fill a glass for Katie (this had the added side-effect of making Katie wince as she remembered her argument with Effy.) James, ever curious, asked "Why?" and Jenna grinned in delight as she informed him of how she expected to soon be blessed with grand-children, eliciting a reproachful sigh from Thomas.

Emily quickly caught on and acted her part perfectly... it was Naomi who was the problem.

"Don't be stupid," she said simply and clearly, "Katie's infertile. She's never going to have kids."

The rest of the dinner did not go particularly well.

So now Katie was marching along the street towards the Campbell-Fitch residence, not sure quite how she was going to do it, but determind to get her back on the treacherous blonde. _Not fucking stupid, is she? Emily's dozy at the best of times, I mean, book shit aside, she never had the most common sense, and even she_ _managed to work it out. God, does Campbell have a fucking death wish?_

Katie had asked Emily for a key, but no such luck, which was beginning to worry her now. Her ideas of what lesbians got up to in their spare time were heavily distorted and she didn't want to have to wait at the doorstep whilst they finished 'licking each other out', as she so eloquently explained it to Thomas before storming out of the house.

In fact, Emily and Naomi were not at that point engaged in oral sex, because, as would shock Katie, that _isn't_ all that lesbians ever do. Emily wasn't actually even in the house. As far as Katie could see upon the door being opened, it was just Naomi, eyes glassy with what Katie recognised as the 'hungover' look. _Oh, fuck off, I don't want puppy dog eyes. I don't care if you drank enough to finish off an elephant last night, I need to fucking talk to you. Or rather, talk at you. To be honest, I'm not really expecting to allow you much participation in the conversation._

"Hello, Katie." Naomi's voice was that of a very, very weary person who has just been confronted with one last task to perform.

"Hey, bitch. Care to explain last night?"

"Oh, fuck off."

"Don't intend to."

"Look," Naomi sighed, "why don't we just cut to the chase. Come inside?"

"Yeah, I fucking will." She pushed Naomi out of the way and proceeded inside, turning left to enter the sitting room.

As it was, she was stopped in her tracks. A pale, slender form (but for a now pretty noticeable bump), clad in a disturbingly flimsy classic grey shirt dress, lounged on one of Naomi's charity-shop sofa, obviously much less surprised to see Katie than Katie was to see her.

"Effy."

Katie felt Naomi draw up behind her, but couldn't break eye contact with Effy to note her no doubt irritated expression. "The chase. That we were going to cut to." Both girls ignored her.

"Hello, Katie," drawled Effy. "Isn't this nice?"

 **Sorry.**

 **I can't write cliffhangers.**

 **This will have to do.**


	7. Interlude a la Stonem - Freddie

**Okay, so... a little bit of backstory I suppose before we get onto the *dramatic voice* _Intense Flirtation._** **This is written in first person, present tense, which is my favourite way to write. I just found that for this version of Katie third person past tense was a little easier to me, but it ended up getting uncomfortable, so I took advantage of the narrator switch to revert to my favourite way of writing!**

You won't be looking at me very sympathetically by now, will you? Drinking my baby's health away, punishing Katie for a very slight misconduct. Even allowing my brother to threaten and mistreat her. I'm messing with her head because it's what do I best and you know that, you all know that.

She's beautiful, Katie. I look at her and that strength she has just takes my breath away. The strength to create fire, but also the strength to be composed, mature when she needs to be. Still. It's the fire which really gets me. She has so much fire.

I'm not going to pull you into my depraved fantasies... not just yet, anyway. I'm sure you'll get a taste of them eventually. But when I see her and Thomas together, much as I like them both, I feel weird. Unsettled. I don't like it. And I'm scared, really scared – not just scared that I'll mess them up, but scared that I myself could be messed up again. I've been dealing okay since Freddie died. I've been on the meds, loads of them, and I'm nearly myself. But Katie could upset the balance. She could do that so easily.

When I told Naoms and Panda that, Panda looked a little shocked, which is funny. She understands me better than anyone else and yet she still never expects the latest twist in the Effy Chronicles. Naomi just laughed, said that Katie needed corrupting sooner or later, which made me shiver. Corrupting Katherine Tomone sounded like a hell of a lot too much fun for me. She told me, though, that for now at least, I should stay away if I knew what was good for me – that she and Thomas loved each other in a calm, happy sort of way, and that that was worth a lot. Told me that even if I could have her, I'd break her, and she'd break me.

It's just about three months since Freddie died now. I was only a couple of weeks pregnant. You might think it's insensitive of me to go getting besotted with someone else so soon after he... went, but it's my way of coping. Besides which, if I was off the meds, I know that knife would be back against my wrists, I cared about him so much. Apart from Tony, whom I had to love, and Panda, who felt safe, he was the only person I'd really ever let myself care about. I mean, there was Cook, but that was different. That was very different. As for Naoms and my other friends, I love them in almost a sort of casual way. They mean a lot to me, but it's... not the same. It's not like Freddie.

As it is I'm painfully drugged up half the time, and when I'm not, I just pretend. Put him out of my mind. I tell myself that he's off on holiday, or that he's back at home, waiting to kiss my stomach and laugh and just hold me. I don't know how long that's going to work for, but I have to hope, don't I? It's all I've got, that memory of him.

So I didn't exactly appreciate that little jibe of Katie's. Insensitive, much? I mean, I was already pretty upset about the whole Tony thing. It sounds stupid, sounds wholly inconsequential, but every time I see him space out like that it's as if the bus was rushing towards him again, about to hurt him again... And seeing as he and Panda, and I guess to an extent Naomi, are all I've got left, I don't want to think like that. I don't want to think of him as mortal... like Freddie.

I really fucking loved him you know. Sometimes Naomi'll give me a funny sideways look, and I know she thinks I didn't love him, not properly, not the way he loved me. But I fucking did. I loved him in a slow, easy way. Like coming home after a difficult day. Not the burning way I loved Cook. Both were important, and both were equal, but I had been burning all my life, and in the end, I just had to choose Freddie.

Cook and I were still friends. He understood. At university, he and Naomi fucked for a bit, then she met the Fitch girl – at that point we'd hardly registered the fact that she had a twin sister – and proclaimed that we were all too much for her. They moved away to start a new life, and Naomi seemed to want to put the stress of her adolescence behind her. Cook and Pandora moved in together, which I'm sure was more convenience than anything else – they definitely weren't getting it on together, she's not _that_ good a liar – and Freddie and I did likewise. By that time we'd been together for three, four years. That's a long fucking time for Elizabeth Stonem. Me, Freds, Cook and Panda, we were happy. I mean I had the odd episode but Freddie learnt how to deal with them.

Of course, it was him who suggested first that we try for a baby. I know I don't seem like the mothering kind, but I leapt at the chance to secure our relationship in the most ultimate way. I had just been discharged from the mental health clinic (finally away from that creepy psychiatrist), seemingly for good this time, and it seemed like the perfect mark of our now completely free relationship together.

We'd never used condoms – Freddie wasn't a fan, and to be honest, neither was I. Besides which, we thought ourselves too - I don't know, hard-core? - to worry about STDs. But I stopped taking the pill, and, like magic, I was pregnant. I took tests regularly, the fancy ones that tell you how many weeks, and God, I was so fucking delighted when I saw that little test screen. PREGNANT. 1 WK. I don't like to give too many details, but I'll tell you this: we fucked like never before that night. Whoever said parenthood puts a damper on your sex life obviously didn't have that brilliant a relationship... a sharp contrast to Freddie and I.

So it was painfully tragic what happened next. Would have been anyway, but this way... Oh God, it was horrid. Waiting to welcome him home from work.

He never came.

There was no sign, no indication of what happened. I was irritated but not really worried – that is, until I got a call from Pandora. She said Cook had told her something fishy had been going on for a while, and Freddie's temporary disappearance was the last straw. He'd left to go 'investigate'. The next day we watched the news together at me and Freddie's flat, and boy, was there a big story. CCTV footage identified Cook – yes, our Cook – as the murderer of a John Foster, whose name I instantly recognised as the fucked-up psychiatrist from my mental health clinic. Freddie had never trusted him.

Pandora started crying at that. I shushed her, wanting to keep listening. When they told us that a body had been found in the house, bloody, obviously dead for hours, easily identified as Frederick McClair, it wasn't hard to guess what had happened. I stared at the screen, shocked, afraid, confused. Only twenty-four hours ago I had been rejoicing over the advent of my pregnancy, looking forward to raising a child with someone I knew for once I truly loved. I had my two best friends by my side, a place in a good university – Freddie was intending to do most of the caring – and my whole life ahead of me.

That television program shattered my world.

So here I am, trying to pick up the pieces. Panda's been weird since Cook left, not sure why, but she has. I guess they were better friends than I imagined. We're still close, but... it's different. Naomi isn't who I remember, but I guess I'm glad that our friendship is back on track, at least. We got the police interview stuff over with pretty quickly, and now I've practically been knocking at doors, trying to find a home for this child so that I can concentrate on saving up enough money to be able to afford another uni place.

Yeah, right. Dream on, Effy.

Thomas and Katie were the perfect solution, but, like Tony said, I'm fragile. Not as perfectly composed as everyone thinks... not as elegant either. Those few badly placed remarks of Katie's were just about enough to convince me that this wasn't right. Not only do I not fit in their elegant, upper-class world, I'm fast becoming addicted to playing my little game with Katie. And what happened when the baby was born and we stopped seeing each other? If we carry on like this then... then...

Well, I'm pretty much going to fall in love with the bitch. I haven't wanted to fuck anyone this badly since back when I first met Cook and Freddie. I had seen a few curious college experiments to be adequate confirmation of my heterosexuality, but Katie Fitch (Tomone, Tomone, my more moral inner voice reminds me) is enough to make me doubt that. Not only is she fucking hot, there's something about her which intrigues me. Perfectly formal on the surface, those flashes of anger when I succeed in really getting to her are relished, an indication of a side I wish she'd show me more often.

Starting to look like Naomi was right, isn't it? I do want to break her. Corrupt her. She seems so perfect with her perfect husband, perfect house, job, life. Perfect fucking looks. Now I'm giving her the perfect family unit... and here's me with my murdered boyfriend, lost education, boring low-pay job. Oh, and yeah, additionally, I'm insanely drugged up to stop me from topping myself over said murdered boyfriend. Completely broken. Everything I had is just gone. And besides actually liking Katie as a person (and yes, thinking she's insanely fuckable) I just can't help that jealousy... that need to destroy her. So if destroy gets taken in a more sexual sense, so much the better, right?

Anyone who knows Effy Stonem will tell you that I'm perfectly comfortable with the prospect of going to hell one day. But only me, Panda, and Naoms would be able to confirm that if Fitch doesn't get the message and fucking remove herself from my life, I'm not going to be able to resist dragging her down with me.

 **Short, I know, but isn't that the nature of Effy? Even when she's narrating she's a woman of few words ;) Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this little interlude! The next chapter is a fair bit longer. I'll try to post it as soon as possible.**

 **If you didn't know, I love you all very, very much, and your reviews make me happy. That's partly because every writer likes to know that people enjoy their work, but mostly because as long as there are people who still want to read about Skins, our Alex, Alo, Anwar, Cassie, Chris, Cook, Effy, Emily, Franky, Freddie, Grace, Jal, JJ, Katie, Liv, Matty, Maxxie, Michelle, Mini, Naomi, Nick, Pandora, Rich, Sid, Sketch, Thomas, and Tony, are alive. And yes, I did just put all of their names into alphabetical order.**


	8. Chapter 6

**I know, I know, very cruel of me to put the interlude in that particular place, but here we are again, and you can find out just what Katie has to do to get Effy back on her side... that is assuming you want to xD**

 **Thankyou all so much for your lovely reviews! :)**

If there was one thing Katie didn't expect to see in Naomi's living room (and there were a _lot_ of weird things in Naomi's living room) it was Effy. On seeing her, Katie's anger at Naomi immediately took a backseat. _Might as well capitalise on the situation, yeah?_ "Hi." Swallowing her nerves - _and why the fuck is she making me nervous? She's got nothing on me -_ she moved slightly forward. It felt, sometimes, as if Effy was a lamp... making Katie a moth. "Effy, I think... I think I want to talk to you."

"Revolutionary." The brunette shifted slightly in her sofa-lounging position, picked up a glass of (what was hopefully) water, and took a langourous sip. Katie sighed.

"You're still angry at me, aren't you?"

"Yes." _Well, did you really expect her to sugar-coat things?_

Katie took a deep breath. "Okay, look, I don't know what I have to do to make this better, Effy, but whatever it is, just tell me, and I'll do it."

"You could grovel," tried Naomi in what was obviously supposed to be a helpful tone. Both Katie and Effy blanked her completely.

"That isn't a very Katie Fitch thing to say."

"It isn't Katie Fitch saying it."

"Oh?"

"My name is Katherine." Confidence seemed to grow in Katie as she spoke. _I'm not a fucking violin, she can't play me like this._ "Katherine Tomone."

"Alright." Effy seemed to consider that for a moment, then looked back up at me, eyes suddenly infused with that predatory, almost snakelike look I had seen in her brothers'. "Well, I'm afraid that doesn't interest me."

"This isn't about what interests – oh, God, you're immature." For a moment Katie thought she saw Effy's eyes glitter with hurt, but resolved she must have imagined it.

"Should I leave you two alone?" Once again, Naomi was ignored.

"Look, Katie, you've had your chance. Why should I listen to _anything_ you say?"

"Yeah, I think I will." Katie was vaguely aware of Naomi slowly backing out of the room behind her. _Fuck her, I'll deal with her later._

"I don't know _why_ this is such a big deal." _Yeah, that was clever, Katie, why don't you make a repeat performance of the insensitivity that got you here in the first place? Urgh, why did nature make me such a bitch?_

But apparently Effy thought there was slightly more reason in the question that there was, because she shifted slightly, gracefully moving those _(impossibly slender)_ legs so that she was sitting up, all of her attention focussed directly on Katie. "Because," she said, in a small, quiet voice, "I'm scared." _Oh._

"Scared – of giving up your – " Katie wasn't sure how Effy moved across the room so quickly, but she did. She had barely spoken when the girl was pressed up against her in the doorway, her finger laid gently across Katie's lips.

"Scared of you, Katie. And all the things you can do." _All the things_ I _can do?_ "Although at this point, I don't know if you're clever enough to have figured out what those are yet." It was an insult of sorts; but for some reason Katie didn't feel insulted. Effy held eye contact for a moment longer, then slowly moved her finger back, away from Katie's mouth. Without thinking, Katie grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss – just a tiny one – to the tip of Effy's fingernail. She wasn't sure why, or what prompted her to do it, but she did it. Now Effy looked thoroughly surprised, and unless Katie was making it up... pleased?

"Effy. Please." _I still don't know why she's acting like this, but I may as well use it to my advantage, right?_

The brunette looked at Katie for a long time, then slowly nodded her head.

"Okay." Only a moment of vulnerability before that frustrating smirk came back to play on her face. "Okay then, _Katherine._ " She paused again, obviously carefully considering what she was going to say next. "But Katie?"

"Yeah?"

"You promised me anything. And, when the time comes, I am _certainly_ intending to take what I am owed."

 _What the fuck's she on about now?_

x

By the time Katie left, she was so utterly overjoyed that she didn't even have her way with Naomi. _I'm going to have my baby. I'm going to have my baby._ Although, if she was honest, it wasn't just that. Effy had become such a fixture in her life – intriguing, funny, and yeah, beautiful, although Katie wished she was thinking about that a little less – that to lose her was a very scary thought.

Proceeding down the street away from Chez Lesbian, she came across Emily, getting out of Pandora's car. It wasn't much of a surprise; she knew the two had been in loose contact since her little party. Her high spirits couldn't even be dampened by the knowing smile Emily threw at her as they passed, although she _was_ considerably confused by it. She only began to put the pieces together when, passing Panda's car, the blonde sprung out like a jack-in-the-box, grabbed Katie's arm, and grinned maniacally in her face.

"Er... yes?" But Pandora seemed to be waiting for Katie to initate conversation. Looking into those proudly expectant eyes, Katie couldn't help but laughed as she realised exactly who had facilitated her meeting with Effy.

"You – _you_ sorted this? That's why Naomi – " Panda giggled, cutting across her.

"Clev'rer than you think, isn'I? Want a ride home?"

Katie could only shake her head grimly as she got into the car. _Little devil. And with an innocent face like that, too._

x

The first thing on Katie's list was to sort things out with Jenna. Their last interaction hadn't exactly gone brilliantly – after Naomi's revelation (which Katie now at least understood) the 'nice, formal dinner' had descended into a bit of a catfight, with Katie shouting, Jenna throwing plates, and Emily actually crying. It certainly hadn't made the elder Fitch feel any less irritated at Campbell to see her sitting there _smirking_ through the whole thing.

But that was in the past, all orchestrated precisely _for_ the purpose of Katie's irritation. And although part of her was indignant at being played like that, most of her was just relieved that things were back on track with Effy. At this particular moment in time, the brunette was sitting in the back of the Tomone family car, laughing indulgently at Thomas' taste in music. Katie thought she liked Effy best when she was like this. The mystery was – well – _alluring,_ for want of a better (and more apt to their completly platonic relationship) word – but it was refreshing to see that she was human under the smoke and mirrors.

When they arrived at the Fitch family residence (well, what _had been_ the Fitch family residence. Since Katie and Emily were both now living with their partners and James was practically disowned, it was just Jenna and Rob... and even the latter found excuses to be out of the house worryingly often. Katie would never suspect her father of adultery, but their marriage was definitely not as strong as it had been) the mood was just a little tense. Katie had just explained to Effy what she had told her mother about being pregnant and Effy hadn't taken it too well. "Worried I might not be good enough for your dear sub-urban mummy?" was her curt reply.

So what they really _didn't_ need was Jenna to make it even worse... _but then,_ Katie thought to herself, _this is my fucking mum we're talking about. What else is she going to do?_ Even from the doorway, the look in those inescapable hazel eyes told Katie that, family or no family, she wasn't exactly welcome at the moment. As Jenna's eyes passed over the two people standing behind her eldest daughter, their expression rapidly changed twice more – a warm smile as she looked at Thomas, quickly fading to a look of disapproval as they ran over Effy. _To be fair, even seventeen-year-old me wouldn't have worn a top_ that _skimpy... or at least I would have worn a skirt with it._

"Katie. _Darling."_

"Mum." Katie might have been a hell of a lot more grown up these days, but put her in a room with her mother and she was back to strawberry hair and push-up bras before you could say _homophobic._ "Cut the bullshit, yeah? I need to talk to you... _we_ need to talk to you." Jenna nodded absent-mindedly.

"You, your husband, and... ?"

"Effy," offered the girl herself, before Katie had a chance to. "I'm a friend of Katie's and also, long-windedly, the reason why you hate her so much right now."

 _God, enough with the dramatic introductions, alright?_

As usual, Thomas hurried to justify the situation. "Elizabeth is a friend of Naomi's." (Jenna bridled at that. Katie might _pretend_ she hated Emily's girlfriend, although she vigorously denied the falsity of her dislike, but Jenna really did.) "Since Katie and I... were not going to be able to concieve... we have made plans for an adoption."

"Right." She paused. "Come inside?"

Sipping tea around Jenna's table was as unpleasant as anything else that took place around that famed surface. Effy was smirking (unexpected, right?) into her mug, apparently amused by Jenna's obvious dislike of her. Thomas was doing his if-I-grin-madly-at-everyone-maybe-we-can-pretend-it's-okay routine. And Katie and Jenna were having the inevitable staring match.

"Mind if I use the bathroom?" _So even spirits of the air have to go for a wizz sometimes._ All the same, at least someone was saying something.

"Not at all, it's just up the stairs and then straight in front of you – er – _Ellie_ ," said Jenna pleasantly, earning a glare from Katie. _Bitch._ Still, Effy didn't seem to care, but simply placed her mug silently back on the table and sauntered away, her shirt-dress shifting dangerously high up those pale thighs.

"Really, mum?"

"What?"

"Look, I'm willing to bet my tits – " – Thomas swallowed at the obscenity – " – you didn't just _forget_ her name. You've been a cow to her ever since we arrived."

Jenna lowered her voice. "Well, how do you expect me to act, Katie? She's an utter _tart._ Isn't there some other way of you two having a family?"

"Effy is our friend."

"Well, isn't that sweet _._ I would that Naomi and Emily were still _friends."_

 _"_ _Mum!"_

"Well, you're acting like it!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

Throughout this exchange, Thomas had been looking back and forth between the two women like he was watching a ping-pong match, but he took this chance to make his opinion heard. "Mrs Fitch, with all respect, I do not really appreciate that insinuation. Katie and I are very happy together, and I think you are also being very impolite about Elizabeth. She is a very lovely girl, she – "

"She's a second rate slut and I don't want her in my daughter's life!"

Standard Jenna fare. The sort of thing that made Katie cringe, but that she was used to. It was just made a lot more harmful by the noise of a small cough coming from the door.

"Time I was going?" _Thanks, Mum. Just had things back on track and now an even more insensitive Fitch has fucked it all up again._

"Effy – " But she did her disappearing trick again, slipping away from the doorway, and Katie knew that she would be out of the house and on a bus back to London in no time. She went to run after her, but no sooner had she made a step than Thomas' hand was on her shoulder.

"Please. Let us talk about this. We can apologise to Elizabeth later."

" _No_ – I want to – "

"Katie! Do as your husband says."

" _Do as my husband says?_ What fucking century are we _in_?" Thomas' face was white. "Mum, you may think you're trying to protect me, but you know what? You're just being a fucking bigot. All you are is a washed-up, stupid, narcissistic, faded _idiot_ who can take her Victorian age values and shove them up her slutty _fucking_ arse!"

Okay, so maybe Katie went a little far.

x

Effy's hands were cool and gentle, and although Katie knew full well it was only water from the tap of a public toilet, it felt like heaven on her face. "Better?" She nodded, and Effy seemed a little less worried, letting out a sigh – of fatigue or relief, Katie wasn't sure. "I can't believe she fucking _slapped_ you."

"I said a lot of shit."

Effy giggled. The sound was strangely feminine, strangely youthful; it had none of the harshness of all the laughs Katie had previously heard her give. "Wish I'd heard it."

"I'm sorry about her, Effy."

"It doesn't matter." She stepped back, and Katie turned to look at herself in the mirror. With fake nails like those of Jenna Fitch, a slap wasn't just a slap. Three crimson scratch marks stretched the length of her cheek. She reached up touch them and winced.

"Fuck, that hurts."

"Effy kiss it better?" She said it in a heavily ironic tone, but it still made Katie flinch. She turned to look at the girl behind her.

"Sorry?"

 _"_ _My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand; To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."_ She paused. "It's Shakespeare."

"Yeah, I know that."

"Ah, smarter than I think you are, are you?" The words reminded Katie of what Pandora had said earlier, and she couldn't help but giggle. "What's that?"

"Nothing."

Effy seemed to accept that answer, and moved closer. _Beacoup de parfum, comme d'habitude, Élisabeth?_ She smelt like smoke and roses, fragrantly, unmistakeably, dangerously feminine. When she spoke again, it was in a whisper, although Katie didn't then know why. "Want me to take you somewhere, Katherine Fitch?"

x

One of the places Katie hadn't expected to end up today was a graveyard. It was cold, and dark, and raining, and Thomas would be wondering where she was, but she didn't really care. This was more about Effy than her, she knew, and it was important to the slightly younger girl. They were standing just beside a grave... _Frederick McClair._ Katie assumed he was the boyfriend who had apparently meant so much to her. She didn't read the dates. She supposed she could have worked them out herself, but she knew that seeing them, carved in stone, inescapable, would just upset her.

Effy turned towards her, that smoke-and-roses scent mixing with the irresisitible smell of rain. "It's time for me to tell you a story," she began. "I'm afraid it doesn't have a happy ending. I don't know if it ever will. But it does have a happy middle, if a sort of a confusing beginning, and I'll muddle through it anyway. If I cry, we can pretend it's the rain." She sighed. "So here it goes. The tragic tale of Elizabeth Stonem. Will you listen carefully, if I promise not to lie?"

 **You've already had the tragic tale of Elizabeth Stonem, and it doesn't deviate too much from what canonically happened, so I'm not writing it all out again. Sorry. Besides, I'm sure there are... other things... you'd rather I write about? xD**

 **For those of you who think Katie got off too lightly, I won't go into detail, but hopefully you'll like the next chapter, suffice to say!**

 **Anyway I hope you enjoyed that chapter - please tell me if you didn't (or if you did!)**


	9. Chapter 7

**Yay for updating!**

 _Friends._

Effy said that word a lot these days. They were now spending most of their time together, more out of choice than necessity, and that seemed to be her justification. They'd be hugging goodbye after a night in, Effy's fingers would play with the back of whatever fancy necklace Katie had chosen today, and she'd say in that strange little voice, 'I'm so glad we're _friends'_. Or they'd be out for drinks with Emily and Naomi, and as their loved-up friends shared a kiss, Effy would turn to her with a smile and announce, 'Isn't it lovely that we're such good _friends_?'

It wasn't that they _weren't_ friends. Effy was the best company Katie had had in a long time; clever, sharp, and oddly complimentary. The connection between them reminded her of high-school best friends, all late nights in and sofa cuddles. _Cuddles. Honestly. What are we, twelve?_ But Katie wasn't well equipped to resist when a half-asleep Effy wrapped her arms around her after a night of French films and pink lemonade. Affection from the usually so cold Stonem was... flattering.

Things were never going to stay rosy for long, though, were they? The elder Fitch was out for drinks with Emily when she got the phone call. It was a shame, really, the twins hadn't spend time alone together for a long time – Emily couldn't keep her hands off Campbell, and these days Katie was more often than not accompanied by Effy – and it was shaping up to be a pretty great night. Emily had shocked the other karaoke participants by actually being a good singer, and now the sisters were sitting at a bar knocking back the tequila (whilst of course exchanging the ritual lesbian-themed banter.)

"Oh, fuck _off,"_ sighed Katie the first time the phone went off, earning a giggle from Emily. It might not have seemed particularly funny, but Katie knew from experience that it was pretty hard to _stop_ the younger twin from laughing her child-size knickers off when she had enough alcohol in her.

Still, the phone rang again, persistently, and finally Katie answered it, albeit with a great deal of huffing and puffing (which of course set Emily right off again.)

"Hello, Katie Fitch here, who the fuck is this?"

"I thought it was Katie _Tomone?"_ came a smooth voice, and of course, Katie knew instantly who it was.

"Effy, babes!" Her first thought was to invite Effy to join them, but there was something in the girl's voice indicating that maybe this was more than just a catch-up call. "Hey, you alright?"

"Not exactly." As always, Effy was maintaining cool, calm composure, but Katie knew her well at this point and she could tell that there was something going on – the slight edge to her voice, the heaviness of her breath down the phone line. "I'm going to be kicked out of my flat." _Good fucking riddance to it_ was Katie's first thought; it was a dingy, cramped, horrible place and Effy was better off out of it. Her second thought was more rational: _shit._

"Well, where are you going next, then?"

"No fucking clue."

"Can you stay in a hotel?"

"Katie, if I had money to stay in a hotel, I would be able to pay the rent, don't you think?" She sighed. "Are you pissed?"

There was a long, difficult, pause.

"You're pissed, aren't you."

Katie knew that she wouldn't need confirmation, and so turned her attention to Emily, who was mouthing something. Katie squinted. "Oh, for fuck's sake." Emily gave up on her attempts to communicate noiselessly. "What does she want?"

"Getting kicked out of her apartment." Katie put her thumb over the reciever. "Doesn't have any cash, does she? Think me and Tommo should lend her something?"

Apparently Effy heard that bit, because she snarled, "I don't want money," in a tone that suggested the very idea was deeply offensive to her. _God, I thought the whole 'my children are starving but I'm too proud, read stupid, to accept help'_ _thing was only ever featured in nineteenth-century storybooks?_

This time, Katie put the phone speaker down on the bar surface. "What does she expect me to do? I mean, I want to help her, but – "

Emily snorted. "Isn't it obvious?" It wasn't. "Ask her to fucking move in with you? a) she's your best friend, excluding me of course, and b) she's having your freaking baby for Christ's sake. I mean what could be more convenient?"

A more sober Katie would have heard alarm bells ringing in her head at that point. Alarm bells saying things like, _Effy can't live with us, that's weird for reasons I don't want to acknowledge,_ and _Effy can't live with us, she'll form a connection with the baby,_ and _Effy can't live with us, it's not fair on Thomas._

But this was not a sober Katie. It was an exceedingly drunken Katie, and exceedingly-drunken-Katie thought the plan sounded amazing. She picked up the phone and proclaimed proudly into the speaker "You're coming to live with us, Eff, and neither you nor Tommo have any say in the matter."

Emily applauded.

x

"You should be _so_ fucking glad to be moving out of this place, babes, it's fucking disgusting. Oh God, is that a condom?" Effy just shrugged.

"What other way is there to pass the long lonely hours of the night?"

"I don't know, Coronation Street?"

"What, at one in the morning?"

"Fuck _off."_ But it was more of an indignant, giggly 'fuck off', accompanied by the natural pretending-to-hit-you-with-the-condom-we-just-found, than any other kind. "But seriously, Eff, I definitely read somewhere that having a fuck while you're pregnant can make you go into early labour."

"And me at only four months in?"

"Oh, shut up."

It _was_ a horrible place, and even though Katie was in a very different state from the alcohol-induced madness of last night, she had to admit that part of her was still looking forward to Effy moving in. _I mean, what decent woman wants to see her friend living in a place like this?_ For now, it was easier to put practical concerns out of her mind. This was helped by the certain light-headed giggliness that often came over her in place of a hangover.

Packing was relatively easy; Effy didn't own much. A few items of clothing that looked more like scarves than shirts and dresses, some books with titles Katie was glad she couldn't decipher. The only really interesting thing was a very large box that Effy insisted on packing whole; very inconvenient, really. In the end Katie couldn't resist trying to find out why they couldn't just take out the mysterious contents and pack them separately.

"The fuck's in there, anyway?"

"Sex toys," was Effy's unflinching reply. She didn't even look up from the flimsy pile of shirts she was folding. Katie, on the other hand, blushed and spluttered.

" _Sex toys?"_

"Oh, you want more information?" She straightened up as she spoke, and Katie was too shocked to dissent. "Mostly dildos and strap-ons – although if you have half as much brains as I hope you do, you'll already have figured out that I swing both ways – " – and what the hell _that_ was supposed to mean Katie wasn't sure – " – but some handcuffs, too."

"You use _handcuffs?"_

"What – you and Thomas never tried – ?" Katie shook her head. _I don't mind a bit of power dynamics – dominant as fuck, me – but I'm vanilla at heart._ "How boring." She smiled; a strange smile. "If you had, you might have discovered just how fun a bit of... playing... can be. Not just in sex, either. A little bit of control, a little bit of submission... I think you'll find it's very exciting."

"How do you mean, not just in sex?"

Effy shrugged, then turned to open the box (Katie tried her hardest not to stare at the contents) and removed a simple pair of handcuffs. "Well, example is easiest. Take if I put these on you now. Don't you think it would make our conversation more... interesting?"

"Make it _weird_ as _fuck._ "

"Exactly." This last comment was accompanied with a small, enigmatic smile. Katie swallowed. "Why don't you let me? Just to try it?" _She's seriously asking me if I just want to casually, platonically, try on a pair of handcuffs? What the fuck? What the actual fuck?_

"I – don't know if – "

"What if I promise you'll like it?"

There was a sharp glint in Effy's eyes now, and, although every part of her brain was screaming _why the fuck are you doing this, you dozy cow,_ Katie dumbly held out her wrists in surrender. Effy grinned triumphantly, wrenched her hands behind her back, and effortlessly clicked the handcuffs into place. Just like that, Katie was sitting on another girl's bed with her hands tied together, not quite sure what they were doing, or why.

"Ever kissed a girl, Katie?" The tone of Effy's voice was innocent, and Katie, in her addled state of mind, wasn't really thinking.

"Emily has," she replied stupidly. Effy laughed.

"And there was me thinking that Naomi was hiding a – "

Katie several times afterwards tried to justify to herself why she did what she did next. Her excuses ranged from, _I didn't want to know what she was about to say about Naomi,_ to _I was sick of all of her teasing,_ to, most worryingly, _She still smelt like smoke and roses and it was honestly really fucking nice._

But she did it, anyway. She leaned forwards and kissed the girl, and it was so strangely satisfying that she was sure, had her hands not been secured behind her back, that she would have reached out to hold her. Effy let out a breath of surprise into the kiss, and Katie was oddly pleased to find out that she tasted exactly as she smelled – dangerously sweet, like a femme fatale, or sugar sprinkled onto the ashes of a fire. The other girl was soft, yielding, delicious, and Katie was embarrassed to feel a slight warmth located just between her legs. _Wet from a kiss? New fucking level, Katie._

After what was longer than a millisecond and shorter than a year, Effy pulled away sharply, leaving Katie gasping. _You definitely don't wish she hadn't done that. That you were still kissing her._ "That was a pleasant surprise," Effy breathed, her eyes shining with the same triumph they'd displayed when Katie had agreed to let her put the handcuffs on. "Mind telling me why you gave me that little treat?"

"I was – seeing," Katie tried.

" _Seeing_?" Effy was backing her into a corner, if not physically (although Katie wasn't actually sure that was off the cards) then mentally.

"Yeah. Seeing."

"Seeing what?"

"I _told_ you, I was just – " Katie was interrupted by the touch of those smooth lips on hers once more, that smoky scent pervading the (tiny amount of) air between them once again. _You know,_ thought Katie nonchalantly, _if Effy's anything to go by, pregnancy really does give you bigger tits. So that's interesting._ The heat she had noticed earlier wasn't getting any less pressing, especially since Effy had moved forwards now, so that her knee was pushed against a... sensitive area.

Finally Katie came to her senses, pulling backwards. Effy's eyes were dark and oh God, she badly wanted to pretend she couldn't figure out why. "No," she tried, in as firm a voice as she could manage. "No, we can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Don't be stupid." Katie stood up, and Effy mirrored the action in lightning quick time.

"I said, why not?"

"It isn't – _fair._ On Thomas for a starter, but not fair on me or you either." She knew what she was saying made sense, but somehow the definition of 'sense' had altered completely with Effy standing in front of her, blue eyes practically obsidian and one hand clutching protectively the material of Katie's blouse.

"You said you'd do anything. You _promised_ me anything." Her eyes were quite clearly focussed somewhere other than Katie's face at this point.

"What, so now I _owe_ _you_ _sex_? Effy, that's disgusting."

"You want it."

"You're acting like a – like a sexist teenage cockhead who thinks with his dick." Effy arched one perfect eyebrow.

"Really? But from what Emily's told me, you've never had much of a problem with those." _Okay, now that was below the best. Just like your line of sight at this moment._

"Right, Effy, not only was that fucking immature – "

She was, once again, cut off by the other girl's mouth pushing her backwards. _So apparently quick reflexes when it comes to pinning people against inanimate objects run in the family?_ Her bound hands clanked against the wall, the metal digging into the skin of her wrists. Effy's lips were insistent, demanding, now open slightly. Her hand moved upwards, lingering territorially at Katie's breast, and even if she hadn't been wearing handcuffs, Katie wasn't sure if she would have been able to – would have _wanted_ to – stop the girl. _I'm beginning to think she had ulterior motives when she asked if she could tie my hands up_.

The pressure from Effy's hand increased and Katie sighed into her mouth. But it was that noise, escaping her own lips, which, conversely, made her realise just how not okay this was. She wrenched her head sideways, almost revelling in Effy's gasp of disappointed surprise. "Look, please, let's be adults here."

"You liked that." _Denying it would be a lie, admitting it would be a betrayal._

"It isn't about me, Effy. It isn't even about you. It's about – " Katie nodded at Effy's stomach. A long moment passed.

"I'm sorry."

Katie was practically drowning in relief. "Not a problem. But we won't talk about this ever again, okay?" She paused. "Mind taking my handcuffs off now?"

Effy giggled, but obliged, apparently knowing not to push this too far. In silence they packed the last of Effy's things. They were just about to go when Katie caught sight of a small jar of pills on what had been Effy's bedside table. She knew that the girl's medication had been represcribed after her boyfriend's death. She didn't know exactly what it was, or what it did for her. But she did know that it was probably a good idea to take it.

She pointed towards the jar.

"And we'll pack that, too, yeah?"

Effy winced.

 **I know this wasn't the strongest of chapters in terms of actual writing, but hopefully the kiss made up for it?**


	10. Chapter 8

**Well, this one took a lot of writing and thinking and me being grouchy to my family, but hopefully it'll be worth it.**

 _ **Hopefully.**_ **xD I shan't flatter myself.**

Katie supposed that if she had thought about it more carefully, she might have realised that her husband wasn't automatically going to be open to the prospect of inviting another girl to live with them... especially when this was directly counter-productive to the goal of preventing Effy from bonding with the baby. But honestly, she had been kept busy with the 'distractions' Effy so willingly provided.

It was strange, almost surreal, arguing with Thomas. What certainly didn't make it better was the guilt of what Katie had been up to earlier. Although there was a part of her still rattling off the old _She's a girl, it doesn't count_ line, Katie was old enough to know better in every sense of the phrase. _Next time someone asks if they can tie you up, completely platonically, of course, think twice, yeah?_ Her deviance only made lines such as "What is your fixation with that girl?" and "You spend more time with her than me" sting even more.

But, as always, Katie got her way. Some might say that putting together a firecracker like Katie with mild Thomas, who was, quite frankly, a pushover, was a mistake, but given recent circumstances, Katie wasn't really in the mood to be thinking about problems in her marriage. She was in the mood for Shiraz. Effy had left to God knows where after the fall-out, Thomas was sulkily un-packing her things (luckily he didn't look in the 'box' that had caused so much... misbehaviour... earlier) and she felt shit. _I messed up with Effy and now I don't know how we can still be friends after that. I messed up with Thomas and now he thinks I care more about Effy than about him. More than all that, I'm messing up with myself. Katie doesn't kiss girls. Especially when she's married._

After polishing off far too much wine, Katie took it upon herself to make things up with her husband, which was, in retrospect, a bad decision.

He was still angry, which was fair enough – this was the second massively stupid and unfair thing Katie had done in the last couple of weeks. _People are going to start thinking I'm turning into Naomi Campbell with the amount of stupid shit I'm doing. Might as well peroxide my hair and have done with it._ But he was Thomas level angry, which was a lot more manageable. Less fire and brimstone, more grudging and guilt-inducing apologies.

"Babes, I'm sorry about all this," she told him quietly, sitting on the bed and watching him huff as he hung up yet another tiny chemise. "I just didn't like the thought of her on the streets, you know. Carrying our baby and all." She paused. "You want me to give you a hand with that?"

"No. I'm good." He finished trying to drape the insubstantial scrap of fabric over a clothes hanger and turned around to face Katie, his face serious. "I understand what you are saying. But you have to be careful with that girl, Katherine. She likes you very much, I can tell that. And I am not sure if it is only in a friendly way."

Katie swallowed. _Oh, Tommo. Too little, too late._

x

The night air was cold, a soft breeze kissing her bare shoulders. After an hour lying silent yet awake in bed with Thomas, neither of them wanting to be the first to break the tension, Katie wanted out, and the garden seemed to be the best place to think. They had a good garden, largish, a trimmed lawn framed with wispy roses and slender fruit trees. Thomas took care of the place well – not a single weed in the whole place, not even a dandelion. Katie remembered Emily telling her how much she loved dandelions, their bright, happy colour, the way they rebelled, how they were clever and independent. Katie disagreed. She liked things to be... neat.

As of right then, Effy still hadn't returned, and Katie was beginning to worry. Had she been too harsh on the girl back in her flat? No, surely not, what Effy was suggesting – _demanding –_ was selfish, ridiculous, unfair. Katie had every right to speak to her the way she did. To knock some sense into the girl. She had never been one to tiptoe around fragile people like she was walking on painted eggshells.

But that was what Effy was, wasn't it? A painted eggshell. Beautiful, complicated, adorned with elaborate patterns to distract you from the fact that in the end, she was just as vulnerable as everyone else. And woe betide you if you broke that pattern. _Beautiful, complicated, vulnerable._ Katie moved forwards, brushing her finger against the dew-laden petal of one frail rose, then moved her fingers downwards, tracing its slender stem. The pad of her finger came into contact with a thorn and she winced, automatically putting it into her mouth. She sucked gently, feeling the strange sensation of blood leaving her veins, a small bead of scarlet becoming a trickle on her tongue.

Shivering in the cold, Katie turned to go inside. She was still wearing only panties and a singlet, and however refreshing the cool air had originally been, it was starting to get a bit nippy. She picked her way back into the house, enjoying the feeling of cold dew on the soles of her bare feet. _Bedtime now... a little nightcap first wouldn't hurt, though?_

She was just preparing said nightcap when the phone rang. One glance at the caller ID told her all she needed to know. _Naomi Campbell. Of course._

Picking up the phone and pressing the little green recieve button, Katie hissed into the reciever, not even caring that such a way of speaking accentuated her trademark lisp. "She's at your house, isn't she? What the _fuck,_ Naomi? And pass the message on to my fucking sister, too. Why didn't either of you _call_ me? I've been worried _sick_ , you know what she's like. Naomi, are you fucking listening to me? _Naomi_?"

Finally Naomi's voice cut over her. "Give me a chance to speak, Fitch the dark?" Katie didn't even have the energy to protest against the horrible new nickname. "Effy's here, yes, and you were right to be worried, because she's been crying her skinny little heart out."

 _"_ _Crying?"_ Katie had seen Effy cry once before, sobbing unattractively, utterly broken. It wasn't something she wanted to revisit. "What the fuck's that about?"

"Not quite sure, but I think it has something to do with you refusing to make sweet, tender love to her." Katie swore under her breath at that.

"She fucking told you? Naomi, I'm _married – "_

"I'm not disapproving of your decision, Katie, in fact, I applaud your restraint. Although maybe kissing her wasn't the best way to go if you didn't want her to get her hopes up?" Another string of curses from the mouth of the elder Fitch twin.

"Mouth as loose as her knickers, I see."

"Oh, _don't_ be a bitch, Katie." A pause. "Besides, you can talk."

"Yeah, whatever. Look, she's my friend and I love her, but not enough to lie to her and cheat on my husband, alright? You can tell her straight out I'm not into muff munching."

"What lovely terminology, Katherine. I haven't heard you use that one since you were a budding homophobe with your heteronormative values as fresh as your... oh, wait. There wasn't much of you that could be described as _fresh_ back then, was there?"

"Look, enough with the slut jibes, alright?"

"You started it."

"Shut up." Katie paused, and when she spoke again, it was with a vulnerability she hadn't been forced to show for a long, long time. "I love you, Naoms." Another pause. "Although not in the way my sister does, so don't get hopeful, alright?"

She hung up. She didn't want to hear Naomi tell her she loved her too.

x

 _How did it all get this confusing? Just a couple of months ago and my life was simple. Wake up, eat a low calorie breakfast, plan a wedding, call Emily, hang out with Thomas._ _Now it's just Effy, Effy, Effy, all the fucking time. Oh, and Effy's baby. My baby. I don't fucking know. But it's her, anyway. She makes things complicated._

Katie had finished off a straight bottle of red wine and was starting on another; possibly vodka next. There was nothing Katie loved more than wine, but sometimes you needed something a bit stronger, right? The cold she'd felt in the garden seemed to be sneaking inside, wrapping itself around her bare skin. _A lot of bare skin tonight, actually._ She almost giggled to think of what Effy would say about that, then bit her lip. _Maybe that particular subject is just a little bit inappropriate considering recent events._ (Naomi had texted her shortly after the phone call: _Sentiment reluctantly returned. Bringing the enigma to your place now._ )

There was a knock at the door – since Emily hadn't given her sister a key to her own house, Katie had returned the insult – and Katie got up with a sigh, swigging another gulp of alcohol before making her, admittedly slightly zig-zagged, way towards the front door. She opened it to see Emily standing there, mirroring Katie's nightwear choices in a similar singlet and panties. _So even when we live apart, apparently twin telepathy leads us to make the same clothing selections._ It seemed Emily had been thinking the same thing, because she giggled. "Nice, but don't expect me to start wearing leopard print any time soon."

"You couldn't make it work like I do." Emily shrugged.

"I think it's more that you've got the tits to distract people from your horrible fashion sense." _Ouch._

"Enough with the snarky comebacks, Emily? Campbell's supposed to rub one out for you, not rub off on you."

"Oh, touché."

It was strange, Katie thought, that no matter what mood she was in, if you put her in the same square metre as her sister for a moment, all concerns instantly faded. They'd fallen out a lot over the years, especially when they were younger, but as cheesy as it may sound, they had a bond no-one else ever would. Twins love each other. Simple as.

Her sister stepped aside, revealing the Campbell-Fitch family car, currently housing a sleeping Effy in the back seat and a bored looking Naomi in the front. Obviously, her attention went straight to the former. _Oh, God, she looks so... young._ Suddenly the whole scene at Effy's flat, the handcuffs, the kiss, the conversation. It all seemed meaningless. Immature. _She's just a girl. And she'll never have half as much control as she pretends to._

Still-bare feet light on the gravel of the driveway, Katie ran down the steps, wanting more than ever to be close to the girl. To protect her. She wrenched open the door of the car, pulled herself onto the seat next to Effy and scooped her head onto her lap. She was pale as ever, her pregnancy bump grotesquely accentuating her waifish frame. "Do you think she's been eating properly?" Katie asked in the calmest voice she could.

"I doubt it," came Emily's voice, low, from just outside the car window. Katie blinked, squeezing her eyelids tight shut against tears she didn't want the situation to merit.

"Why can't you be happy, Effy?" It was more for herself than anyone else.

At that point Naomi gave a little cough, looking up into the driver's mirror. "Look, I know my opinion probably isn't top priority at the moment, but remember, I knew her when she was with Freddie. She really loved him and he's dead. It's that simple. Maybe this is a little trigger, but I know that if I lost my Emily, anything could set me off." Katie could see out of the corner of her eyes the sadly grateful look her sister gave to her girlfriend in that moment. "Even my fucking coffee going cold. So yeah, maybe this isn't a healthy sort of sadness... but no-one said everything had to be all picket fences. Put yourself in her shoes. She's destitute, bereaved, and about to give away her baby, literally because she has no other choice. Wouldn't _you_ be feeling pretty upset?"

Naomi's words floored Katie, mostly because she knew they were true, but also partly because she heard the tone of the blonde's voice when she said _my Emily_ , and it made her happy and sad all at once. She resolved at once to make things better for Effy, even though it seemed like an utterly impossible task.

"How are you going to get her up to the room?" queried Emily, practical for once, and Katie started. She had just assumed they'd wake the girl up, but now that the subject arose, it seemed cruel to jar her from the sleep she so obviously needed.

"I – I'll carry her."

"Don't be _ridiculous."_ Naomi actually snorted with that one.

"She's tiny!" It was true, she was, more so than Katie had ever realised. Effy wasn't particularly tall or short, but she was alarmingly skinny, and the vulnerability she carried (when she wasn't confusing those around her with quick comebacks and mysterious smirks) was almost childlike. _Poor Effy, poor Effy, poor Effy._

"As are you and I both," Emily pointed out. "Naomi?"

Of course, her girlfriend gave the obligatory martyred groan, but quickly obliged. She too, was bare-footed, but had at least had the forethought to put a T-shirt over her bra and knickers. _Got off lightly there, didn't we? Emily tells me she usually sleeps naked._ She got out of the car, wincing at the cold, and walked around to the door behind which Katie sat, Effy's head still resting on her lap. Together, Naomi and Katie managed to manouevre the girl into the blonde's arms, and although she mumbled a bit in her sleep, it was a mostly smooth transaction.

"Got to be careful with this one, Katie-kins." Katie only nodded. She knew it was true.

They formed a strange sort of procession, going into the house and up the stairs, towards the guest room where Effy would be staying. Emily went in front, opening doors and kicking bags out of the way, Naomi just behind her with the sleeping Effy in her arms, Katie bringing up the rear, hurrying to keep up.

Naomi hovered in the room for a moment as Katie and Emily, both people with strong maternal instincts, tucked Effy into the bed, before turning and leaving. For once Katie was thankful for Naomi's intelligence. Obviously, she could tell that the twins needed a little time alone right now.

Emily sat down on the bed with a sigh, looking around at the room. "All her clothes neatly hung up," she commented quietly. "Windows scrubbed to point diamond, thoughtfully selected magazines on her dresser. And yet he didn't even want her here, did he?" She smiled, and yet it wasn't a happy smile, not really. "But _you_ did. _You_ wanted a baby, so he let Effy come into your lives. _You_ wanted her to move in, so he complied, moved over for someone who's becoming so much more important to you than him. _You_ wanted her to be happy, so now he's doing everything to make that happen." The smile left her face, replaced by a slight creasing of her brow as she looked back down at Effy. "I know it's easy for you to think this is harmless. But he's a good man, Thomas, and he deserves someone who loves him."

"I do love... " Katie trailed off, not because she didn't think it was true, but because she was tired and she didn't like the look on Emily's face. They stayed like that for a moment – two identical pairs of brown eyes locked together, two pairs of brown eyes that, over the years, had taught each other much more than words and schoolbooks.

Finally Emily got up and left, wordlessly. The crease in the duvet where she had sat was still apparent. Traces of her honey and vanilla perfume lingered in the room. _Will she always be better than me? Kinder than me? Wiser than me? Goddamnit, these days most people even think she's prettier than me, and we're supposed to be identical._

Katie walked over to the bed and sat down, not wanting to look for too long at the girl lying on the bed, but at the same time, not being able to resist. Her hands moved instinctively to cup Effy's stomach. _That's my child. There. Inside her. All this time it's just been 'a baby', interchangeable with any other, but that's not fair to me or the kid, is it? A baby that Effy and... Freddie... wanted. That for a short period of time they loved. And can I ever love it the same way? Will she always be its mother in an irretrievable way?_

There was a smaller guest room in the house which they could make into a nursery, Katie thought suddenly. Yes, they could do that. But why hadn't she thought of these things before? Had she been wanting a child just because she wanted one, not considering the decision in the context of her life, her marriage, the child itself? She and Thomas had never even really sat down and talked about adopting... it had just always been there, vaguely desirable, because Katie wanted it.

 _Katie wants. Katie wants. Katie wants. And what Katie wants, Katie gets._

Her hand tightened at the girl's stomach, nails digging into the thin pyjama shirt she was wearing. _But what do I want?_

 **What does she want?**

 **I'm sure you can tell me, and then I can spend a long time deciding whether to give it to her. xD**


	11. Chapter 9

**Quite a short chapter, but you can forgive me, right? Haha.  
**

It had been a very, very, very long time since Katie had felt it... the _Oh God, oh shit, oh fuck, what have I done..._ on waking up in the morning. She looked over at Effy beside her, blue eyes already wide open and smirk already plastered to her face, and for a second seriously thought she'd succumbed and slept with the girl. _Which is ridiculous,_ she told herself firmly, _you don't even like her, you're straight, it's platonic._

To be honest, letting herself fall asleep in the guest room was a mistake anyway. Thomas would think she was still angry at him, and his subtle insinuation the previous night showed that he wasn't above thinking that there was something between the two girls. But it had felt so strangely comforting, being with Effy, who was her friend, who understood her, even if she used it in the most obnoxious way possible. She and Thomas had not been as close recently, he could not have been the comfort he had always been before.

"Hello, sleeping beauty." Effy spoke in a whisper, and although her words were just as teasing as ever, her voice was laced with a certain vulnerability. _Every time I think I know you, you change again. You say there's two versions of me, but what's the common ground between this Effy and mine?_

"Not sure about that. Been up half the fucking night, haven't I?"

"No. You're always beautiful." She raised her hand to touch Katie's face, then pulled it back sharply, her voice suddenly bitter. "Always _perfect_."

It wasn't true. Katie pretended, of course she did, but from the moment she met this girl, her life had been slowly dissolving, as if it had been dipped in acid... Effy-flavoured acid. Every morning she got up, washed, dressed, brushed her hair, did her make-up. But it felt like every time she drew her favourite stick of glorified red wax across her lips, the line was just that little less flawless, deviating from the curve of her mouth a tiny bit more each day. Like Katherine Tomone was slowly coming apart.

But she didn't say that. She carried on looking at Effy, the silence taut, the distance between them palpable. Finally the other girl opened her mouth to speak, and Katie released the breath she hadn't realised she was holding. "Thomas came in earlier. We figured it out between us."

"Oh. Yeah." Katie hadn't even thought far enough to realise that Effy had gone to sleep in the Campbell-Fitch residence, and wouldn't have remembered being brought here.

"It was a shock, I must admit. Not that waking up entwined around a semi-naked Katie was unpleasant... quite the opposite."

"Effy," Katie chastised weakly, "let's not, okay?"

The brunette looked at her for a long time, then rolled over onto her back. "Of course. Yeah. Sorry." She sighed, a sigh that was full of real and simple things. And there was Katie thinking that Effy only dealt in the extraordinary. Then she turned back towards Katie, placing her hand over hers. "Just once? Just so I know I didn't make it up?"

A pause, then Katie nodded, more because she didn't have it in her to say no than anything else. "But just once, yeah. Then we forget about it. Then it's just friends, okay?" Effy bobbed her head almost enthusiastically in agreement.

They sort of did it together, neither really initiated it, neither ended it. It was only a second, anyway. _So sweet. So fucking sweet._ Lips touching as briefly, as softly and as chastely as if it meant nothing at all. The moment they separated, Effy turned away violently, rolling onto her back again. "I'm sorry," Katie told her quietly, although she wasn't quite sure what she was apologising for.

"Yes."

"You're not – _angry_ , are you?"

A pause. "Of course not." The younger girl pulled herself up onto her elbows. "Go down and see your husband, then, isn't it? Something tells me that if you're sleeping outside the marital bed, 'friends' or otherwise, there's something you need to figure out?" _Good point, although I wish I knew exactly what that 'something' was._

"Oh. Yeah." And yet another hesitation. "Would you mind – ?"

It took a moment for Effy to realise what Katie meant, but when she did, she giggled. "You really can't go downstairs without putting on that pretty Katie mask? God, you hold fast to that image."

"It's not like that, it's just – I'll do make-up after, I'd just rather be – "

Effy brushed her words aside. "No, you get dressed. I won't peek." As if to prove her point, she made a dramatic show of closing her eyes and putting her hands over them.

Relieved, Katie nodded her gratitude and pulled herself out of bed. A quick glance in the mirror told her all she needed to know – bed hair and the smudged remains of foundation detracted from her usual faultless appearance. Sighing, she wetted her finger with her tongue and made a vain attempt to rub some of the disaster known as 'make-up' off her cheeks, before quickly smoothing her hair down.

Thomas wasn't one for late nights out, and when Katie crashed after a particularly draining party (she had them every now and again, just to remind herself that at heart, she was still Katie Fitch) she didn't like to disturb him, so she had clothes in here. She could have gone into her own room to change, of course, which would have removed the Effy issue, but she knew that seeing the double bed, her side perfectly made, the cup of tea he always made her before bed sitting cold on her dresser, would just make her feel even more guilty.

She pulled her singlet over her head, then picked out a bra – lacy as always, but not one of her most fancy choices – and clasped it around her back. It might have been strange, or even anti-feminist, but Katie had always loved the feeling of putting on a bra in the morning. Lingerie put her in a... feminine... mood. Next, she shimmied her knickers to the floor and replaced them with another pair (which matched her bra perfectly, of course). She looked at herself in the mirror for a moment and smiled. _Everyone looks best in their underwear, right? Full clothing leaves too much to the imagination and nudity not enough. And I am_ certainly _not an exception._

Tights, skirt, blouse, jacket. She turned round to exit the room, not knowing the protocol for saying goodbye to someone you've just accidentally spent the night with, but whom you're still sharing a house with from now on anyway. Luckily, she didn't have to, because Effy piped up for her.

"Katie?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied. I did peek."

And given everything that had happened between them, it should have made Katie feel angry, betrayed, upset. But she looked into those mischevious blue eyes and couldn't help succumbing to waves of laughter.

x

Thomas had made breakfast.

It was a Katie sort of breakfast, assortments of fruit and cereals accompanied by smoothie and sugary tea, laid out neatly on their best china with a tiny bunch of lavender positioned by the side of her bowl. Katie understood immediately: an apology. It just made her feel even more guilty when she touched the tea to her lips to find out it was freezing.

He'd left a card, too: _Had to go to work. I love you so much Katherine. Many kisses._ There was a small, rushed drawing of a man and a woman holding hands, then slightly to the side, another woman with an obvious baby bump. _So is Effy a part of our family now? Is that what I'm making happen? Is that why he's so worried?_

She cried a little, just to indulge herself, then went to the bathroom to re-apply some make-up before texting Thomas. _Sorry about everything. Love you too babes xxx._ He replied with merely a smiley face, then, _I have an idea. I will talk with you when I am home. Have a good day, and please make Elizabeth feel at home._

Wedding planners didn't exactly get 'days off', but Katie didn't have any appointments today, so, seeing as it was the closest she had to one, Katie resolved to do both of those things – which she would probably have done anyway, but there was something about Thomas' messages which made her want to do something for him, something he wanted, even if it came in the form of helping someone else. _Poor Thomas. Always putting everyone else first._

She ate every last bite of the breakfast, then, even reheating the tea. There was no way she was going to let his efforts go to waste. Then she carefully washed and put away each and every piece of cutlery and crockery. She finally consulted a 'Pregnancy Health Foods Guide', one of the many that she had bought prior to Effy moving in, and prepared a bowl of granola and a glass of orange juice.

Effy, when she finally came downstairs, was highly amused by this – if you could call a raised eyebrow and an indulgent smile amused, but in Stonem language, that was probably the equivalent of laughing for five minutes straight. "Worried about my diet, Fitch? Just as well I know now not to pour a bottle of vodka into my morning cereal, yeah?"

Katie huffed. "I was being _nice._ And talking of vodka... since you're living in my house now, maybe you could try and hold back on the alcohol?"

It took a long, long time for Effy to reply. "I will if you do." Katie gawped.

"Effy, seriously, I know making sense is not exactly your strong point, but really? In what sort of world is that anything but ridiculous?"

"Just looking out for you."

"What?"

"Pregnant or otherwise. You drink too much."

"I do not, and besides, it's none of your – "

"Look," said Effy finally, obviously not in the mood to argue, "you can take it or leave it, but I'm not going to stop drinking unless you do. Okay?"

 _This is stupid. This is really fucking stupid. This is the most stupid thing I've ever heard of._

 _"_ Okay."

x

Katie greeted Thomas home with a grand display of sugary hugs and kisses, then a cup of hot coffee and a plate of biscuits. _Time to turn on all the taps, yeah? Marital affection reaches peak point._ He seemed grateful, which was something, but mostly just impatient to talk to her.

"You and I have not been as close recently," he told her bluntly over the previously mentioned biscuits. "But I know how we can solve this."

"Yeah?"

"I think... we just need a little time away from everything. A holiday."

Katie wasn't sure at first, but the more she thought about it, the better an idea it sounded. _Time away_ , he said. From her friends, from her job, from... Effy. Time where they could just be Thomas and Katie. Like before. _Like before._

So it didn't take her long to agree, to book a hotel in Paris, to pack her bags. Effy seemed a little uneasy at first, which Katie decided was probably the natural nerves at being left alone to make mischief in someone else's house, but Thomas said it would be good for her – to get settled in, to be able to start treating the place like home.

It was only when they were just about leaving to go that Effy let anything slip. Katie had come back inside to grab her swimming things, and the younger girl latched on to her immediately. Clutching her arm with those pale hands, blue eyes looking up into Katie's brown ones, wide, childish, pleading.

"Please don't go," she said, and for a moment Katie almost chose her.

x

The holiday was... nice.

It wasn't particularly brilliant. It wasn't the best time they had ever spent together. It was nice, because now they were having familiar squabbles about whether they should go to Ave de Champs-Élysées (Katie) or the Louvre (Thomas), and it was nice, because they were waking up together and going to sleep together and even having sex, once or twice.

Katie hated to admit that now, regular sex had become almost strange. Its rarity had increased slowly, almost crept up on them, until they were hardly ever intimate at all. And although Katie didn't really mind that in practice – her time spent bouncing from sweaty, horny knobhead to sweaty, horny knobhead when she was younger had been more about status than anything else – in theory she hated it. _We were never supposed to be one of those relationships that faded. That became more for convenience than anything else._

To say that Katie missed Effy wouldn't be exactly true. She really was enjoying herself; enjoying the shopping, the sights, the food, the time spent with Thomas. And in a way, she liked having time away from their friendship. But it was becoming increasingly obvious just how much influence the slender brunette really did have on her life. Her absence only proved that.

Coming home felt strangely like waking up from a dream. Thomas turned the key in the lock and began to push the door open, resulting in an unmistakeable squeak and the pitter-patter of feet from inside the house. _Seems like Panda's over, then._

No sooner were they inside the house than Pandora had wrapped her arms around first Katie, then Thomas, which made him laugh so hard he almost lifted the childish blonde off her feet. Katie watched with an indulgent smile; no chance of jealousy, was there? Panda might have been sweet, pretty, too, but she wasn't exactly a _threat_. As Thomas began to recount details of their trip in rapid, excited speech, Katie stepped forward, approaching the living room door.

Effy was curled up on the sofa, facing away from Katie. Her brunette hair wasn't messy, more ruffled, as if the two girls had been involved in some sort of a playfight... which really wouldn't surprise Katie.

"Boo," she said, softly, and Effy looked up, her wide eyes and mussy hair lending her the endearing appearance of a startled doormouse. _She must have heard us coming in,_ thought Katie, but put it out of her mind. Effy's eyes darted over to Panda and Thomas, then back to Katie, the beginnings of a giggle in her eyes.

 **Right, so, I know I've always updated pretty quickly, but that may not be the case for a while. I have no WiFi currently (I'm at my grandparents' house at the current moment) and I don't know when I will have it again. Hopefully by Wednesday, but it might be a few weeks. I'm sorry :( I will try and do a lot of writing in the time that takes!**


	12. Chapter 10

**We have Internet back, and a day early too! This is excellent for someone like me who can't deal without my Internet fix, haha.**

 **Thankyou to you all so much for your reviews, favourites, and follows :) They make me squeal.**

Katie didn't always attend client weddings, it depended largely on her relationship with them, as well as countless other factors – the venue, the guest count, and of course, how likely it was that something would go wrong. With JJ and Lara there had been no question. They were friends of hers, pretty good friends, and Emily had even been roped into being a bridesmaid after a last minute drop out. She was looking adorable (if about half her age) in pale blue chiffon and lace.

After bidding hurried good lucks to everyone in the bridal party, Katie rushed back to her seat in the pews next to Thomas, squeezing his hand in excitement. He, if anyone, knew how much weddings always meant to her. The culmination of months, often years, of work – careful colour matching, budget managing, and yes, yelling. It was a smallish church, bedecked in sky blue ribbons and posies of forget-me-nots. JJ stood at the altar, almost shaking with nerves, his nine-year-old step son (and best man, which Katie found almost painfully adorable) Albert standing grinning beside him.

Music began to play, a track Katie had heard all too many times over the past few weeks, but that seemed fresh as she watched the first bridesmaid emerge – a girl called Georgia with yards of red hair and a tentative smile. Next was Emily, beautiful, of course, and Katie grinned on seeing Naomi, modern as ever in a sharp seal grey trouser suit, turn to look at her with mouth agape. Finally, Lara herself, arm in arm with her best friend Rosie, and resplendent in a simple white dress that barely touched her ankles. _God, she's beautiful._ Katie still thought she should have chosen a pink sash, but she had to admit that the pelagic blue colour set off Lara's green eyes stunningly.

JJ's smile just grew ever brighter as she progressed down the aisle towards him, a rare grin on her face, and it might have sounded soppy, but it made Katie happy to see that sort of love. _Maybe any two people can be perfect, just for one day._ Inevitably, her mind wandered to her own wedding day of years before. _God, I looked hot that day, but then, to be fair, I'm always hot._ She'd changed three times, she remembered, a nice metaphor for her own fickleness. It had been a typical pouffy meringue gown for the ceremony, ornamented in various shades of pink, a long mint green affair for the dinner, contrasting with her hair in a surprisingly attractive manner, and then finally a vixen-like red minidress that hardly scraped her thighs, and offered enough cleavage to make half the attendees regret that the occasion was, in fact, her wedding.

Katie was shaken from dreams of past glory when the vicar asked them to stand and sing. It wasn't exactly a hymn, something close to it, though, all gratefulness and positivity. JJ and Lara were still beaming stupidly at each other. _Were Thomas and I that happy once? Wait, when did I start talking about us like we're not_ still _happy? We are, aren't we?_

Before she knew it, they were kissing, the bouquet was in the air (Emily caught it and turned round to look at Naomi with a delighted smile on her face), everyone was laughing and cheering. Katie joined in vigorously, making her hands ache with the amount of clapping she was doing. Then people were leaving in a whirl, grinning and chattering, some people congratulating JJ or Lara. Little Albert was actually skipping back down the aisle, earning 'awws' from all and sundry.

There were some photos taken outside, mostly just the marital family, but there was one of all the guests, giving Katie the welcomed chance to pose happily in her silk blouse and skirt. Then people began to pull away in an assortment of cars, taxis, and even a minibus that had been arranged for those who didn't have transport. Katie adored weddings, but the recpetion was always her favourite part. Lots of dancing and alcohol, just her thing.

The dinner was nice, simple, but nice. JJ made a very eloquent speech (so eloquent that hardly anyone could understand it), a few others spoke, and then the married couple were up on the floor, dancing. It was just a simple waltz, but obviously it had been very well rehearsed, because JJ hardly tripped over his feet at all. _Lovely_. Others got up to dance, Katie and Thomas included, people began drinking, the clock ticked later and later.

"Do you remember our wedding?" Thomas said quietly in her ear as they shuffled awkwardly in ballroom hold to a song far too many people knew far too many of the words of.

"Of course."

"You were so beautiful."

"In which dress?" Katie teased, but Thomas seemed determined to take this conversation seriously.

"In all of them. You are always beautiful." His words were uncomfortably close to what Effy had told her in bed a few days ago, and she quickly nodded her head in thanks. He raised her hand, kissed both of her rings – the flashy diamond (he knew her taste so well) he'd given her on proposing, then the gold band, studded with tiny rubies, that was their wedding ring. Suddenly it felt tight on her finger, and she wondered, if she were to want to take it off one day, for one reason or another, would she be able to?

The room was becoming stiflingly hot and as soon as the song finished, Katie made an excuse and ran for the toilets, clumsily locking the door behind her. _Fuck. I promised Effy I wouldn't drink anymore_ was her last coherent thought before everything she had consumed that night vacated her stomach, finding a better home in the toilet bowl. Now the ring was rubbing against her skin, too tight, too hot, too wrong. She tried to pull at it, have even five minutes respite, but suddenly everything was falling apart. There were tissues in her handbag, and she pre-emptively wiped at her eyes, making hacking noises in her throat that she knew meant tears were on their way.

She had just succeeded in dislodging the ring and was now twisting it down and off her finger when there was a tentative knock on the cubicle door. "Katie? Is that Katie?" A sigh, then Emily paused. "Thomas is looking for you, you know. He said you went off in a panic. Do I _have_ to babysit you?"

The sobs had arrived by this time, and Katie only just managed to push them aside for long enough to say "I wasn't supposed to drink."

"That's why you're throwing up?"

"I don't know."

"Right." She hesitated; a typical Emily hesitation, you could almost hear her biting her lip. Katie knew it was a habit she'd picked up from Naomi but she still thought it was cute. "Do you want to call Effy?" _How does she always know how to help?_ The smell of sweat and cheap air freshener was beginning to fade, overpowered by Emily's perfume, sweet but not sickly, the only thing guaranteed to make Katie feel better whatever the situation.

"Yes, please."

"Okay." A moment passed, Katie could hear the ruffle of Emily's skirts as she crouched; pushing her phone under the door. Her password was _emsynk_ – Emsy and K – and always had been since they'd got their first phones, Katie's being _katiene_ – Katie and E. She'd tried to change it several times as they'd grown up, but of course, Katie wasn't having it. It had been the source of many arguments over the years.

Katie waited to hear Emily leaving before she dialed the number. Effy didn't pick up on the first ring, it took two more tries before she heard that familiar drawl. "This is the Tomone residence, if you're looking to speak to – " She sounded thoroughly bored with the message, and Katie almost giggled.

"It's _me,_ Eff. I'm on Emily's phone."

"Oh!" Maybe Katie was imagining it, but she could have sworn Effy's tone became brighter. There were questions in the air, she could tell, but as usual, Effy wasn't going to lower herself to the level of asking any of them.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"That I can tell."

"I drank some – just some champagne, but it made me feel guilty, and – "

"I'm not an agony aunt." _Bitch._ A moment of silence, of words being held back. "Don't do it again, Katie." _Why not, though?_ Her first thought answered itself quickly. _Because you told her you wouldn't. It's not about the practicalities. It's about the promise._

"No." She went to speak again, to tell her about the wedding, the dancing, the ring, but she heard a small sound from the other end of the line – almost a hiss, as if Effy wanted her to be quiet. So she was.

They stayed like that for some time, Katie sitting trembling on the toilet seat, phone pressed tight to her ear like she was afraid of missing something, Effy keeping control on the other end of the line, her breaths regulating Katie's, her finger on the speaker muffling the background noises of the house. And then, just as soon as Katie was thinking _okay, this is okay,_ there was a click and the connection was over. Almost as if she had known.

x

The rest of the evening passed smoothly. Lara thanked her near the end of the night, face flushed and grinning. Nearly half the guests had gone by then, now it was mostly people Katie didn't know and couldn't be bothered to socialise with – the exception being Emily and Naomi, still on the dance floor, in their own little world. Katie remembered Emily's overjoyed expression when she'd caught the bouquet and hoped Naomi did, too.

She and Thomas drove home in near silence; it wasn't an awkward one, but nowhere near as comfortable as that which she had shared with Effy on the phone earlier. _Has something changed tonight?_ She moved her hand to the ring on her middle finger. It fitted as snugly as it always had done, but she could barely feel it now.

By the time they reached the house, all the lights were out. Thomas leaned over to kiss her, she kissed him back. Easy. Inside everything was dark and tidy – except for one thing. An empty wine glass on the coffee table in the living room, accompanied by a note. _There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable._ Katie balled it in her fist, not wanting Thomas to see it in case he understood it as well as she did.

He kissed her again at the foot of the stairs. It took her a while to realise why. Part of her wanted to do it because they were supposed to, because that was right, wasn't it? The part of her that didn't want to, because she was tired, and he was probably tired too, was quiet. _Spontaneity. That's what we need. Spontaneity._ So when he tried to tug her towards their bedroom, she resisted, quickly unbuttoning her blouse, pulling her skirt down over her legs, ridding him of his patience. And it worked. He fucked her on the stairs like she wanted him to. Katie was too drunk to come.

x

"Again," was the first thing she said to him in the morning. For her, it was like she hadn't slept at all. Everything was as sickeningly clear as it had been the night before: _this isn't right, Effy isn't right, our marriage isn't right, and the solution I've got is the only one I ever have. Fuck until it is._

He obliged, of course, what else was he going to do? Within moments they were almost welded together, Katie on top as usual, her scrabblings hands quickly discarding whatever excuses for clothing they had donned following the previous night. The room was so stiflingly warm that she ended up kicking both the duvet and the pillows away, giving them a blank canvas to explore. She moved lower down his chest, marking her territory with bite marks and faint lipstick stains. By the time she was tugging at his boxers, she was so overheated she was trembling, her hands visibly shaking.

"Katie," Thomas said weakly, but was cut off by his own sharp gasp as Katie reached her destination. He tried again. "Katie, I think you should – " She didn't even look up at him, too intent on doing what she was doing, on doing the only thing she could do. "Katie, please, Katie, you don't want to do this... "

x

Breakfast was a cold and silent affair. Effy, not having a clue about what had gone on, was making up for it by smirking as if she did, and Thomas and Katie were focussing all of their energy on not looking at each other. Thomas had, of course, prepared breakfast, which made Katie feel guilty – even more so because he was almost making a point of _not_ making a point about it.

"Couple time?" asked Effy finally, raising one perfect eyebrow, and although it might have been a slightly awkward thing for her to say, Katie was at least glad that _someone_ was talking.

Without waiting for an answer, she got to her feet and left the room, her half-finished cereal still on the table. Katie had half a mind to call her back and get her to finish it. _I don't care what_ you _eat, but I want my baby to be healthy, yeah? And only the first half of that sentence was a lie._

"Katie?" She turned away from Effy's cereal and towards her husband. He attempted a smile and failed. "She thinks we need to talk. Do you?"

"Do I think we need to talk?" _Well, do I?_ "No."

"Things have been strange recently."

"With – sex?" _Why is this conversation turning out so awkward? He's supposed to be the person I can talk about_ anything _with._ "I – well – it's a shame, isn't it, but – " _Goddamn right it's a shame._ "But doesn't that happen to everyone? I mean, we're having a baby, going into a new stage in our lives... " Katie was aware she was just blabbering bullshit she'd got off a Mumsnet forum, but hopefully Thomas wouldn't know that. Although it wouldn't surprise her if he did. Thomas had strange Internet habits.

"It isn't just about sex, Katie."

"What's it about then?"

"Everything. Everything has been all wrong since – " He broke off, not wanting to finish the sentence, but Katie knew what he was going to say anyway.

"Yeah, well, maybe that's because of what I said, about us having to be all mature parents. It's probably, like, psychological." _Still blabbering._

He looked at her for a long time. "I'm sure it is. Psychological. And it certainly has something to do with Elizabeth."

 **So I know this won't be everyone's favourite chapter. Too much hetero sexytime and not enough Stonem.**

 **I'm posting a little _interlude_ next, and then it's baby related joy, although of which kind I won't yet spill.**

 **Hope you enjoyed it at least marginally!**


	13. Interlude a la Stonem - Fantasy

**Okay, so this was originally kind of... _interesting._ Well, who am I kidding, it's still _interesting,_ if you get my drift. But I was a little wary of upgrading it to an M, so I've toned down the _interesting_ ness a notch or two. If you're old enough to watch Skins you're old enough to read this, it's not that bad, but I thought I might warn people.**

 **If you _do_ think this should be M-rated, please tell me. I've read a lot about rating boundaries and thought this would be okay, but if it's not I will take it down straight away, or at least cut most of it out of the chapter.**

 **I don't know how good this is because I've never written anything like this before, so I apologise in advance.**

Her sister is pretty.

No, really, she is. Cute little button nose, liquid brown eyes, cupid's bow lips. More than pretty, actually, beautiful. And I'm sure when Naomi gets her in the right mood she's sexy as hell. Not that I'm thinking about that. (I am.)

But Katie? Katie is fucking _hot._

I have to stress that it's not just about that. I really do like her as a person. Funny, honest, strong-willed. Her mouth may be exactly the same pretty little heart shape as her sister's, but it's a hell of a lot franker, and that's refreshing. She's good fun to be around. At the moment, my idea of a perfect evening is pretty tame – me, Katie, some shitty pretentious film, and a bottle of wine.

Except, on second thoughts, no wine. Firstly because I'm not supposed to be having alcohol, and secondly because I don't think I should be around Katie when I'm drunk. Lowers your inhibitions, doesn't it, and I never had much of those anyway.

But back to what I was talking about. The indisputable sex appeal of Katie Fitch.

I think about her, a lot, in a lot of different ways. I think about Thomas and how he's sweet, and obviously really fucking adores her, and how much I hate that. I think about the baby and what will happen when it's born – will I be able to stop loving it? Will I be able to stop loving (if that's the right word) _her_? And I think about fucking her... although never in much detail. Not in her own house. That's just bad manners.

No, it's just the beginning – the kiss, the way she surrenders – and then I try my hardest not to get carried away. Which isn't always easy, especially when I'm lying in bed at night. If I've taken my melatonin, though, I can get to sleep pretty quickly, and from then on, it isn't _my_ fault if I have interesting dreams...

 _We're clearing up in the kitchen. Thomas isn't here, I don't know why. Maybe he's gone running or something. I don't care._

 _She's humming softly under her breath. I don't even think she knows she does it. It's some stupid pop song, way too popular for its meagre quality, but I don't mind because I like the look in her eyes when she hums. It's my second favourite._

 _It's scrubbing time now and Katie doesn't look pleased. "This is going to_ ruin _my nails." I don't offer to take over, because I don't want to be her little lapdog, rushing around after her and doing everything she needs me to do. Don't want to be like Thomas. Just want to have his life._

 _So I smile at her innocently. She grumbles a bit, then gets on with it. Apparently it's too early in the morning for Stubborn Katie to make an appearance. Within five minutes she's broken three of her nails and is whining incessantly, so I give in and agree to do it for her. She perches on the table, nursing her fingers as if they've been shot to pieces and she'll never be able to use them again. Which would be a shame._

 _"_ _You," she says finally, apparently having given up on her nails, "are more trouble than you're worth." In general this is true, so I don't point out that if I hadn't been here she'd have broken even more of those precious pink-and-white fingernails._

 _"_ _More fun that way, don't you think?"_

 _"_ _Don't be stupid." I'm not being stupid, I'm saying what I think, but she'll never know that._

 _"_ _Can't you get fake nails?"_

 _She snorts that. "First step on the path to plastic. Fake nails, then fake hair, then fake fucking boobs." She indicates the corresponding parts of her body as she makes her list – tapping her hands together, then tugging at a strand of her hair, then cupping her chest. This is adorable and distracting in equal measures._

 _What she's saying, though, is weirdly true. In a lot of ways, Katie is a construction, but then in a lot of ways, she's also the realest person I've ever met. Says what she thinks, does what she wants (except for letting me kiss her. That's the one annoying exception to the rule), is who she is. Besides, she_ definitely _doesn't need fake boobs._

 _"_ _Then grow them out again."_

 _"_ _Well, yeah." Obviously she doesn't have anything better to do than agree with me in a voice that suggests I'm being stupid. This is very irrational and very Katie._

 _"_ _Help me with the drying," I say, wanting to change the subject. She hops down from the table with an over-dramatic sigh and flips out a hand for the dishcloth. Once she's taken it she doesn't really do anything with it, just stands there staring at the dripping crockery. I can't believe she's never done housework before. Thomas is so whipped. "Hurry up, then." For that she hits me with the dishcloth._

 _"_ Katie _," I say, as if reprimanding a child, and try to push her back, but then I've got a handful of her shirt and I don't really want to let go. She looks up at me with those eyes, sees my expression, and they're darkened within a moment. When I said her humming-face was my second favourite expression of hers? This is what beats it._

 _I know right then and there that I have to kiss her or I'll never have another chance. She smells vaguely like champagne, but I think it's her perfume. She always had weird taste._

 _"_ _Kissing you's good," she breathes when we finally break apart. Stating the obvious much? I kiss her again, push her backwards so that she's leaning against the table. I want her yielding, defenceless. I want to touch her. I want her to watch me touch her, eyes virginally wide, because I want this to be so good that it's like no other time before counted._

 _I move my hand upwards, touch her breast, because I can't bear not to for a moment longer. She gasps, which I hope is pleasure, but knowing how dim she can be about things like this, it could well just be surprise. I want to pull that silly blouse over her head now. Want to see more. Have more._

 _Finally I teach myself how to pull away. I take a step backwards, rake my eyes over her. She's still breathless, leaning against the table like she'd fall without it. "In your underwear," I order, and of course there's no chance of her disobeying._

 _She does tease me, though, which I half like and half abhor. There's a smile quirking the corner of her lips as she undoes the first button on her blouse, then the next, then the next. When it's finally hanging open, it's all I can do not to rip it off. After making me wait for what seems far too long, she does it for me. Her bra is cream silk, edged with black lace, and of course, she fills it perfectly. My mouth waters. I've seen her before, but only in brief glimpses. This is so much better than any of that._

 _"_ _And your skirt." Now she's quicker. She unzips it and pulls it to the ground without a moment's hesitation. Matching panties – what else, it's Katie. They're darkened slightly with dampness. "On the table."_

 _She understands immediately, climbs onto the table and lies on her back. Good enough to eat – now there's an idea. Impatient, I move forward, my fingers lingering on her shoulders, almost not able to touch. She's shaking. "Good," I tell her, press a kiss to her lips, and she arches upwards as if parched. Her hands go up to touch my hair but I push them down. For I moment I consider taking off my own clothes, but decide against it. Wouldn't want her getting distracted._

 _I take a moment to devour her with my eyes, but it's only that – a moment. I'm only human. My hands reach underneath her back and unclip her bra. Oh,_ yes. _I want to give her the time she's worth, run my hands over every part of her, but her chest is just the first of the wonders in store, and today, I won't be able to wait._

 _Now, now I understand why Katie treasures her nails so dearly. They're very important. I dig mine into her breasts, smile at her gasp, and rake them down her sides, not even stopping at her hips, not even able to build the suspense. One fell swoop and it's bye-bye panties... I almost can't look. Almost._

 _One touch and she shivers. "Your mouth." It's supposed to be me giving the orders, but I can't resist. I bend and do exactly as she says. Exquisite. She is exquisite._

 _I told you a long time ago you wouldn't get the scoop on my depraved fantasies and I'll stay true to my word. Let it be said, though, that when she came, breath reduced to shallow pants, sweat beading on that impressive chest, she screamed a name, and it wasn't Thomas._

 **Err... yeah.**


	14. Chapter 11

**Before this begins, I'd like to talk about something really sad that happened to the fanfiction community a few days ago - mynameislizzie disappeared. I don't know why, I know she'd been talking about leaving but I didn't know it would be this suddenly. It's a real shame, because not only was she an engaging, entertaining and all round great writer, she was a really lovely person, always supportive and friendly. Her _Steamy Windows_ was the first Skins fanfiction I ever read on here, and boy, was it an introduction!**

 **So, mynameislizzie, I don't know if you're reading this, but thankyou so much for all of your contributions to this website. I looked up to you a lot and will continue to do so despite your absence. Have fun with whatever you do next!**

"Would you like to know the gender?"

Katie held her breath; not sure what the etiquette was in that situation. _Does Effy to get to choose, or me and Tommo?_

Luckily, it turned out that they were thinking along the same lines. Effy nodded quickly, an almost imperceptible gesture, and the nurse beamed, making Katie strangely happy. _Maybe she was holding her breath too, maybe she waits for these moments, maybe she treasures having the honour of being the one to bear the news._

"It's a boy," she said, still smiling widely. Effy didn't seem to react, which struck Katie as a little rude, _but then again, how would I know – how would any of us know?_ _Are you supposed to pretend you're super happy whatever happens?_ Katie wasn't particularly angling for either gender (well, maybe she would have preferred a girl to some infinitesemally small degree); she just wanted to know what colour to paint the bedroom.

Katie shook her hands in the air and laughed delightedly anyway. ' _I'm really really happy about what you just said' is surely a safe bet when it comes to polite reactions._ Thomas mirrored her actions. Real, fake, or a blend, she wasn't sure and was wondering if she cared. "That is so lovely," he gushed, seemingly in earnest. Sweet.

Effy still hadn't said a thing, her expression hadn't even changed. She was staring straight at the scan picture, her hands balled into fists, something strangely akin to determination in her eyes.

x

If Thomas had been excited, then Katie didn't have a word for the waves of pure ecstasy that Pandora was emanating. After a phone call from Effy she was sitting on their couch, producing cornflower blue onesie after cornflower blue onesie from an alarming amount of Mothercare bags. "... and so I thought I shouldn't buy any more, n'case I was overwhelming you or summit, but then I saw _this_ and isnit just so brill?" She held up a pile of forget-me-not coloued fluff.

"Wowzers." Effy's voice was stone dry, and Katie had to hide a giggle behind her hand.

"I know, right? So Panda-pops is good for something, yeah?"

"Yeah." Effy almost smiled, inducing what was a lot more than an almost-smile from Pandora, and Katie thought that only someone who knew the two girls as well as she claimed to could have noted the hint of fondness in the brunette's voice. She allowed herself a moment with her eyes on Effy before making herself look away. Thomas was obviously suspicious – he hadn't explicitly said anything yet, but now wasn't the time to give him cause to.

She felt Thomas' hand tighten on hers and stood up suddenly, hating the way his middle finger rested on her wedding ring, pushing it down onto her finger. _So secure. Too secure._ "Panda, Tommo, want some bubbly?"

"You not drinking, Kates?" _Fuck, I hate that nickname._ Only it was difficult to hate much with Pandora's innocent face beaming up at you. _Friends, friends, friends, these are my friends, this is my life, that's that, that's all there is._

"Eff's not 'cause of the baby, and I'm going along with it. Sisterly solidarity, yeah?"

"Sisterly," Effy repeated, looking straight at Thomas with that small enigmatic smile on her face. _Sometimes, Effy, I really, really want to punch you._

"Sisterly." Firm voice. "So?"

"Yeah, that'd be whizzer, Kates." Thomas nodded along to her enthusiasm, no longer looking at Katie.

"Want some orange juice, Effy?"

"But oranges are not the only fruit."

"Er, what?" Effy's only reply was a wide and innocent smile.

"What I meant was that orange is not the only juice you have, is it? So maybe I could have some apple juice?" Again, that smile. "Or perhaps just water. After all, juice would cause a horrible stain if I was to accidentally tip it onto one of your lovely velvet cushions."

"They are not velvet," Thomas tried, confused, "but it is nice of you to express that concern... ?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, leave it, Thomas, she's being silly. Come with me, Eff, you can pick your own drink." And with that, Katie grabbed one thin arm and dragged Effy roughly into the hallway. Panda and Thomas both pretended not to hear the resounding slap that echoed through the wall, but only Thomas had to pretend not to know what it meant.

x

The pinkish print on Effy's cheek had obviously upset her somewhat, but she was doing her best not to show it. Her preferred method of hiding her embarrassment seemed to be several thinly veiled comments about passion in love, passion in anger, and one particularly nastily delivered line about how flexible Katie's wrists were, and did she get around to using them often? Needless to say, Katie was ignoring her. She had learnt that it was difficult to actually get through to Effy, so when you did, it was best not to do anything that might jeopardise your authority.

"Of course," – and Katie could already feel that this was going to be another half-hearted attempt to rile her up – "if you really want to hit me, Katie, then that can be arranged. As we discovered back at my flat, I'm not opposed to alternative methods of... _intimacy_." Katie had to grit her teeth to stop herself from emitting a string of insults usually reserved only for Naomi Campbell.

"Effy," she tried instead, in what she hoped was a controlled manner, "I wouldn't be intimate with you if you paid me."

"Really? But I was under the impression that being paid for intimacy was one of your favourite hobbies." _Bitch._

"Don't be ridiculous, Effy, I'm married."

"Oh, so if you _weren't_... "

"Look, would you just _shut_ your _mouth_ for a _single second,_ yeah?" The ghost of a smile crossed Effy's face and she glanced upwards at the clock above the oven. _Tick._ Her gaze was redirected at Katie, the smile became devilishly triumphant.

"So – "

"You are going to make me so fucking angry." _No, no, no, calm and controlled Katie, please, not angry bitchy Katie, not_ _who you used to be, not who you... are?_

"Did you forget? I like it when you're angry." Effy's tongue darted out from her mouth, touched her bottom lip – an almost imperceptible gesture but one that Katie picked up on all too well. "I'm _thirsty,_ Katie _.._. " She left it so long before she spoke again that Katie almost jumped in and told her off, but the younger girl reclaimed the phrase's innocence at the last moment. "What happened to orange juice?"

"You're not going to get any orange juice if you carry on like this."

"Is that my only punishment? How boring."

"Fuck _off,_ Effy, you're being stupid."

"Who is?" She laughed suddenly; not a happy laugh, not even a teasing laugh. Not a sane laugh at all. "Who's being stupid, Katie? Oh, I do like this place... Happy memories... " That laugh again. It unnerved Katie more than she'd like to admit. "Are you getting that champagne out, or not?"

"You're not drinking, Effy." To that, she nodded almost absent-mindedly.

"No, no, no, I was thinking about Pandora – sisterly solidarity... " _What the fuck kinda nonsense is this?_ "Yes, that's it, because _Pandora_ and I are just friends."

"Please don't be like this."

"What am I going to do, Katie? When the baby's born? Nowhere to live, shit job, probably for the rest of my life. Seeing you – you and _my child_ – a couple of times a year, not able to touch you, to be with you in any way at all. And my son. I won't have him either. Why's he get both of you? Thomas? Surely he can't have both?"

"That was the agreement... "

"People float away from me. I don't do anything wrong, but they go... Freddie went... Cook went... And you're going, and you're taking my baby with you... "

It was getting difficult to look at her. "You always knew – it was always going to be like this – there isn't any way – unless you were to stay with us, but – " She broke off, the quite frankly delighted look on Effy's face difficult to process. "Oh, no, no, we couldn't, Thomas wouldn't want – Effy, we have to be mature about this... " The girl's face fell and she looked away. _How could she think that could ever be a possibility?_

But Effy was never vulnerable for long. "I understand," she said airily, voice cool, jaw set, "scared you wouldn't be able to resist for much longer? Getting me out of the house before you end up naked and oh, actually happy for once? You think I'm some sort of siren – just want to get into your pants – it's not _like_ that Katie, I mean – I mean – I just really fucking – "

 _No._ "No." Katie slammed the fridge door shut and turned around to face Effy. "You can't say that, right?" The room seemed to be swimming before her, prickles of heat on her skin and her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

"Care about you," Effy finished, looking away. "I really fucking _care about you._ But what's the point. I try and be all these different things. People tell me to stop, so I let them break me, but they just walk away before they can put me back together. So fuck it. Fuck you. I'm sick of being honest now, 'cause you never are."

Katie felt then as if she had been watching a video, trying to press pause and stop Effy from speaking, trying to press fast-forward and get it all over with, get her away, take her out of her life because she made it all wrong and all right. But the remote was broken (and if Katie stopped lying to herself, she knew that she didn't really want Effy to be gone, not at all, not ever.) Nothing worked... and now the VCR was broken too, Effy's movements slow motion and stilted as she turned away. _Anything. Anything to stop her going now._

She lunged forwards, grabbed her arm, not really allowing herself to think about why. "You can stay," she gushed, so quickly that she almost hoped Effy wouldn't have heard her – but the startled gratitude in Effy's eyes was plain enough that she knew better. "Of course you can. You can have anything you want."

Effy moved forwards slightly, apparently about to claim _anything you want,_ and right then Katie would have let her. She knew she would have, knew that if a moment more had passed something very, very bad would have happened then. But it didn't. It didn't, because just then Thomas and Pandora appeared in the doorway – the latter beaming gormlessly, as usual, and the former bearing a very disgruntled expression indeed.

x

"I don't understand how you think you can make a decision like that, Katherine, without even talking to me about it. I know that you and Elizabeth are close. She is a nice girl. But I am worried, it feels to me that maybe you are too close... I don't want to offend you Katie, but I am scared. I think that maybe you are not in love with me anymore. I have been thinking for a while, maybe you are in love with Elizabeth."

"Look, Tommo, I know me and Ems look the same, but that's no excuse for getting us mixed up... " She trailed off at the look on her husband's face.

"Don't try and be funny about this. It is making me feel sad."

"I'm not being funny, though, I'm being honest, I'm telling the truth – " – _Makes a change,_ whispered a strangely familiar voice inside her head – " – I'm not _like_ that." She paused. "And I do so love you."

"You are being immature. It is not about – who is gay and who is not. It is more difficult than that... Katie, if this is true, then I need you to tell me. I am in a strange place; I want to be sad but I cannot let myself, I keep on saying, _no, you are making this up,_ and I keep on hoping that these things I am thinking are not true, but I am not stupid, Katie. I think that they must be. I think there is no other way to explain the things that have happened. That keep on happening, again and again."

Katie turned away, not wanting to face him. She could feel her hands begin to tremble. _I love you Thomas, I love you Thomas, I love you Thomas._ The words sounded strange in her head. _But that's not right. We have to love each other._ "I love you," she tried out loud, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

"Katie, stop."

"I love you."

"Katie."

She was crying now. Not pretty, romantic crying. Her chest was heaving, her hair was sticking to her face, her hands were shaking violently. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." _Say the words until they have no meaning._ "I love you."

"Katie, let me speak... "

"I love you, I love you – " She was cut off by his hand over her mouth, alien and unwelcome. She bit his finger and he gasped.

"Katie!" The sobs were still coming. A better antidote to her lies than force. But apparently Thomas was swallowing his shock at her viciousness, because after a moment he ploughed on. "You must not say that." He sighed. "We have guests, Katherine. I am going back into the living room, and I am going to tell Elizabeth that of course she may stay for a while, and that we will talk about it... some other time. And I will ask Pandora to stay the night, because I know that is what you would be doing, if you were – if you were well."

"I'm not _sick._ "

But apparently that was a stupid thing to say, because Thomas just shook his head at her like there was no arguing. "Go to bed. Maybe it is good for you to have some rest." _As if I'm a little kid._ She wanted to tell him _no, fuck you, I won't do what you say,_ but of course she would, because he was right. As always.

"Okay. Okay, tell Effy – " _Tell Effy what?_

Thomas' voice mirrored her thoughts, the glimmer in his eyes as close to malice as Thomas could ever be. "Tell Effy what?" She looked again and had been wrong; not malice, but tears, and so she censored her words.

"Just tell her goodnight."

And she turned to ascend the stairs.

 **Reviews, as always, would be lovely - but if you can't for any reason or just don't feel the need to, don't worry about it.**


	15. Chapter 12

**So sorry for bringing this back to the top of the Skins page. Disgusting, yes, I know. xD Well, hopefully not.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

 _I miss being drunk. I always slept better when I was drunk._

Not that she had ever been a good sleeper. She'd been training herself to stay up late with pill popping and all night fucking from the moment she'd turned fourteen, but it was more than that. She liked the night. Emily was the sleepy one, always had been. She was all sunshine and morning eggs and dew-drenched dawns, but Katie felt safer in the darkness. It was easier to love herself when she wasn't surrounded by people who were so much better than her in every way. And it seemed _everyone_ was better than Katie.

Stupid pretty Emily with her stupid pretty smile. Katie _knew_ Emily was kinder, sweeter, smarter, better in _every fucking way._ Seemed the only thing she could do better was flash her tits and sleep around, so that's what she did, pushing Emily into her shadow because she was scared of what she could be in the light.

Stupid Naomi, stupid Naomi was better than Katie too, a better friend, a better person, able to do a thousand roles in one. She could look after Emily like Katie was supposed to do. She could tell her when her make-up was smudged, and if she'd look okay in that shirt. She could comfort her, console her, make her tea and bitch slap any who dared make her feel sad. Stupid Naomi stole Emily away and Emily was the only thing Katie ever had.

Stupid Effy, too, showing Katie so easily that she was better than all these things Katie had worked so hard for. Better than anything Katie could ever come up with herself. Stupid Effy with pretty blue eyes and a strange pretty smile and oh, stupid Effy was _better again._ Everyone was better than Katie.

She pushed herself up from under the duvet, knowing she needed to apologise to Thomas properly, to tell him that she would sort everything out with Effy. It was childish and stupid of her to be succumbing to the brunette at every turn – taking advantage, really. Effy didn't know what she was asking for. She wasn't well; she was still recovering from the death of her boyfriend. Only a few months ago. _Freddie,_ she said in her head, forcing herself to think his name. To acknowledge him. _Freddie, Freddie, Freddie._

The clock read one thirty – why had Thomas still not come up? Effy and Pandora must have gone to bed by now, surely? Another wave of guilt clutched at her. _Panda._ Making connections with Effy's friends, Effy's family, Effy's _life_ , had always been a bad idea. How had she not understood that? The adoption was supposed to be a purely practical arrangement. It had become anything but.

Her feet were soft, inaudible as she crept onto the landing, not wanting to wake the surely sleeping girls. To be fair, Katie was pretty tiny. Add to that her bare, delicate feet and the soft carpet of the upstairs hallway, and it was little wonder she made no sound. She tread carefully down the stairs, surprised to hear faint giggles coming from the living room. _So apparently they're all still up... Fair enough, I guess. Weird though._

Katie paused at the door, for some reason not wanting to interrupt them. Effy had, apparently, gone, it was just Thomas and Panda, and they seemed so happily encased in a little bubble of friendship and light-heartedness that she didn't want to intrude. They were still at the champagne, chiming their glasses together, Pandora's 'cheers!' as enthusiastic as any other piece of speech ever to escape her mouth. Thomas smiled almost fondly, and Katie felt a creeping sense of envy build, a bitterness in her mouth. _It's just the wine. You want a glass, Katie, naughty. It's just the wine._

They drank at the same time, Pandora spilling a few drops on her blouse. Thomas went to wipe them off, his hand lingering perhaps a moment too long at her shoulder. Something appeared in Panda's eyes that Katie didn't think she'd seen before, something strangely close to fear... but a good kind of fear. Perhaps the fear she felt tingling irresistibly at her skin every moment she spent with Effy.

Katie knew it was going to happen, but she still couldn't stop herself from sucking in a small gasp of air when it did. They leaned forward, lips barely touching, then Pandora turned away and Katie almost wanted to turn away herself. But it was strangely addictive. Thomas placed a gentle hand on her arm, coaxed her eyes back to his again. That fear again. No, it wasn't fear, she knew what it was. Should have seen it. Should have seen it at the joy in both their eyes as they hugged on Thomas and Katie's return, should have seen it in his fondness at her adoration for anything and everything in the world, should have seen it every moment they spent together. _Love? Is that it?_

They kissed again, as if they couldn't not kiss, and she noticed that Pandora was crying now; pretty crying though. Panda was very pretty, she thought suddenly, with her soft green eyes, soft pink lips, soft smiling face. Soft all over, inside and out. Simple. Kind. How had she not noticed that before?

Thomas was all guilt and consolation; Katie didn't want to look any more. The kissing wasn't even the hardest part. It was the obvious truth in both of their countenances, both of their faces, that the kissing was not whimsy, that it was difficult and painful and real. Katie thought about the first time she'd met Thomas, seen his honest smile and known in that instant that this was a person she could love. The first time she'd met Effy, feeling like the other girl had her on a leash, steadily pulling her closer and closer. The safety she could immerse herself in with Emily. She was seeing the same thing now. _Yes, that's love, that's what it is. Stupid fucking love. And stupid Pandora._

Another one for Katie's list.

She stormed back up the stairs, not caring if they heard. She decided ruthlessly that she wanted them to, wanted to hear Pandora apologise with humiliated eyes and mascara tearstreaks on her cheeks, wanted to see Thomas beg at her feet with puppy dog eyes and all the regret in the world. Not that she was planning to forgive him any time soon. _Telling me off for falling in love with Effy while he was off getting all romantic with fucking_ Pandora?

But her own thoughts stopped her in her tracks. _Falling in love with Effy?_ _No, I didn't mean that. I can't have meant that._ _I mean any girl can have a little crush, it's hormones, simple as. Doesn't mean I'm like my sister does it? Completely different people. God, imagine me being gay. Never going to happen. Ridiculous. Never._

All the same, that unbidden, almost instinctive self-confession had given her an idea. And an undeniably attractive one, at that.

x

Effy looked vaguely adorable when she'd just been woken up. They were standing on the landing outside the guest room, and, as per usual, Katie's eyes were glued to her for reasons too ridiculous for Katie to even acknowledge. Her make-up was carving dark circles under her eyes, setting off their vibrant azure. Her hair, despite the obvious care Effy took in grooming it to perfect always looked so much _prettier_ mussy and unstyled, framing her face so that she looked young and vulnerable. (Which Katie supposed was true on both counts, when she thought about it.) Her bitten nails were clasping something that looked suspiciously like a teddy.

"What's this hour, then, Katie? Finally changed your mind about my little offer?" _Well, yeah, maybe, actually, but give me a moment._ The smirk was back and the vulnerability was gone.

"You knew about them, didn't you? You had to. You're Effy. You always know everything." Without any sort of confirmation from Effy Katie had already made her decision. "You _did!_ You did, didn't you? Why the fuck didn't you tell me, Eff, I thought we were fucking friends?! He's my _husband!"_

Effy held up a hand to cease Katie's tirade. "Knew about what?"

" _Thomas_ and _Pandora!"_ The moment she said it Effy's already pale face became yet whiter with shock and her lips formed an 'O'. "You didn't know?!"

"No... " For once, Effy seemed at a loss for words.

"You and Pandora are – " Brain addled too much for her to be able to fill the gap with actual English, Katie meshed her hands together. "Like _that!_ Peas, or whatever! Really fucking close, yeah? How the hell didn't you know?"

A moment passed; obviously the cogs were whirring in Effy's brain. Finally she spoke, slowly, as if having to choose her words oh-so-carefully. "Pandora Bethan Moon," she said, and Katie noticed that her hands were shaking slightly, "is the only person in the world who could ever keep a secret from me."

Katie smiled wryly, and it crossed her mind how strange it was that at this moment, when smiling should have been the last thing she wanted to do, it was far more natural than any compendium of tears and anger. "I didn't think anyone could keep a secret from you."

"Neither did I." She exhaled slowly, wrapping her arms around her slender torso. Katie had always admired the swelling of flesh on her stomach, thought it seemed so real and full and beautiful, but now it looked strangely grotesque on this waif of a girl. "She's cleverer than you think. Poor thing." Katie bit her lip.

"What you said before – about how you were honest with me. I can see that now. And thankyou."

No sooner had the words left her mouth then Effy looked back up at her, something between begging and insistence in her eyes. "So be honest for me, too? Be _Katie_ for me?" _I can't. I don't know who that is. Some bitch I want to forget._

"Yes," Katie replied thoughtlessly, agreeing to a request she was certain she couldn't fill. "Yes," she said again, and kissed her because there was nothing else to do.

They had kissed before, of course, kissed briefly and kissed for far, far too long, but this was different. Before it had always been simple and surprisingly easy, like they knew what to do without even trying. Now it was like a dance, a five-act play with lines to remember. Each step had been choreographed to perfection, almost as if it had been rehearsed... Katie almost wished it had been rehearsed. Effy's teeth bit down savagely on Katie's lip – the latter's cue to gasp softly into the kiss, parting her lips for a wonderful, vulnerable moment. Katie relaxed, submitting at last, and now it was Effy's turn to become more tender, to place her arm on the small of Katie's back as if saying _it's okay, I won't hurt you. You're the only person I won't hurt._

"Fuck me," said Katie when they broke apart. _All I'm good for, isn't it? And someone's got to do it, seeing as Tommo apparently doesn't want to._ "Please."

A smirk twitched at the corner of Effy's mouth. "Oh, I like you telling me what to do, Katie. And I _really_ like you saying please." Then her eyes darkened for a moment; not with desire, but with something more approaching concern. "But – "

Katie cut her off, taking control for once and pushing Effy mercilessly back against the wall, relishing her squeak as her head hit the plaster, the compliant way she melted into Katie's kiss. _My turn. Me. It's my turn now._ She lifted her hand, let it rest for a while in Effy's hair, digging her long nails into the brunette's scalp. But it was never going to stay there for long. She moved her fingers downwards, across and over Effy's chest, marvelling at the softness, the delight of touching another woman. Effy murmured something into the kiss, little more than a moan, really, and Katie treasured the feeling of their lips moving so naturally against each other. Effy was wearing only a flimsy camisole in lieu of a pyjama top, and although it was very flattering, Katie was tiring of it. Her hands moved further downwards, making to discard the garment.

But for once, Effy didn't yield to her. Her body, so acquiescent only a moment ago, became rigid, as if she had made up her mind in a way Katie never really had the willpower to. Her fingers pushed into Katie's shirt, sending the other girl stumbling backwards, and she made her escape. "Effy?" Katie called after her, at a loss to why she was leaving her now; _now,_ when Katie wanted nothing more than to surrender at long last.

Effy turned back for a moment with sad and empty eyes. "How many times?" She leaned forwards, breath warm on Katie's cheek, and Katie instinctively leant forwards to bring their lips together, but Effy jerked away.

"No. Don't do that to me. I'm not going to be your fuck buddy just because your husband's cheating and you feel like shit. Don't I matter more than that, Katie?" _Yes. I mean no. I hope not._ "I want you, and you want me. But until you acknowledge the latter, the former is going back in its box. It's your turn to do the maths for once."

With that she was gone. _I do want you,_ Katie thought helplessly. _I do. I more than want you. I want you too much._

She didn't know how long she stood there; she supposed it didn't matter. Long enough to figure out that it was about time she stopped lying to her husband, and he stopped lying to her. She turned determinedly to descend the stairs, words of both accusation and confession coming together in her head, hoping viciously that she would find them in a situation compromising enough to sufficiently accentuate their humiliation as well as their guilt. They would deserve it. More importantly, she would deserve it, too.

Of course, they weren't fucking at all. It wasn't that bad, and it was much, much worse. They were dancing together, looking straight into each other's eyes like they'd been snatched out of a proaduction of Romeo and Juliet – _I guess that makes me fucking Rosaline, does it? –_ with the lights turned out, their subtle steps illuminated only by a thin shaft of light streaming in from outside. Street lights, of course, not the moon. It wasn't quite that disgustingly beautiful.

Katie wanted to kick Thomas where it hurts more than she'd ever wanted to kick anyone before, which was saying something, because she really liked kicking people, especially there. She didn't though, because she'd given up on doing what she wanted to do. Most of all she'd given up on being Katie. So she just coughed softly, trying to be Good and Kind and Sympathetic like Emily would be. The noise was loud in the room, empty of noise but full of so much else, and both whipped round to look at her, their dance stopping abruptly like Katie'd flipped the switch on an imaginary sonata.

They both opened their mouths to explain at the very same moment. Pandora's eyes were glistening with tears again. Katie didn't want to hear it though, so she just smiled a little – regretfully – to make sure they knew she knew. Then she turned away, because she could hear Pandora sobbing, and she wanted to forget how much she cared.

 **Are you all saying to yourselves, '** ** _Finally! Some actual plot!'_** **? Haha.**

 **Well, whatever you** ** _were_** **saying to yourself, please do tell me!**

 **Thankyou so much for reading.**


	16. Chapter 13

**I know this update has been a while in the making. Sorry :/**

Pandora left.

Thomas apologised.

Katie cried.

And Effy, of course, smirked.

x

The next few days were possibly the most awkward thing Katie had ever gone through. Thomas was barely there, spending all of his time out running, occasionally attempting to initiate some sort of a conversation with Katie before biting his lip and turning away, obviously not ready to face what he had done – what both of them had done. Effy was hardly there, either, but in a different way. She stayed in the guest room most of the time, but would sometimes appear in the kitchen, ghostlike, picking at a plate of fruit, or sipping a suspicious liquid. Katie knew she should keep an eye on the girl's diet, but she was far too concerned with more important (read: cowardly and immature) things, like avoiding Thomas and blocking Pandora's number.

Her place of refuge became Emily and Naomi's house. Yes, their inability to keep their hands off each other had always been annoying, but over the last few weeks they seemed almost to have become a little more distant. Not that that was a good thing. Katie asked Emily about it tentatively one night, confused that her social group's golden relationship could be at the point of disrepair where they were regularly abstaining from face-sucking for as much as five minutes at a time.

Emily didn't offer a particularly satisfying answer, or even a polite one. She just snatched Katie's only half-empty mug of hot chocolate away from her in a very _I-don't-appreciate-that-question_ manner and said, using her snootiest and least Emily voice, "Naomi is a very private person."

Which explained nothing.

Asking Naomi about the issue would have been more trouble than it was worth; the blonde's temper didn't match Katie's but her tongue certainly did. Besides which, it wasn't her business – they were certain to sort it out soon. 'Emily-and-Naomi' was practically synonymous with perfect happiness in Katie's book. Anyway, as soon as Katie did get the chance to talk to her sister's girlfriend, Naomi apparently had other things to discuss.

"Panda says her calls won't go through to you," she commented in an off-hand matter as she watched Katie do her make-up in the Campbell-Fitch bathroom mirror. Emily had convinced both of them to accompany her to a social at the modelling agency she'd just been hired for. (As a trainee photographer, not a model. She was far too short for that, as Naomi liked to teasingly point out.) "Did you block her?"

"Can you blame me? What else was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know, talked to her? That's what I would have done."

"Er, excuse me, am I very much mistaken, or is your name Naomi Campbell? You would have given them one look and stormed out of the house like a stroppy teenager."

"Okay, I correct myself. _I_ would have stormed out of the house like a stroppy teenager, but _morally,_ you should have talked to her."

"I don't want to talk to her."

"Now you're just being childish." Katie didn't have a response to that, mostly because she knew it was true, so she just scoffed loudly and pointedly put down her lipstick as if to say _this conversation is over._

"You should at least tell her you forgive her."

"I don't."

"You've been doing the exact same thing with Effy!"

 _Good point. But she doesn't understand._ Katie sighed, rolled her eyes and turned around to face Naomi with what she hoped was a suitably patronising expression. "Yeah, well, I don't forgive myself either."

Naomi looked at her for a long time, holding the sort of stare that made Katie feel as if moving away, out of her line of sight, would almost be treacherous. "You know, Katie, Effy's boyfriend died – what? – five months ago? And she tells me she's in love with you. You must be pretty special." She gave a strange little sigh. "It's difficult to find someone you can love for your whole life. And even if you do, well, shit happens, doesn't it?"

"So you're saying I should just sit around and wait for my marriage to collapse?"

"I'm saying it already has. Look – " – she leaned forwards on her chair, maintaining a level of eye contact that Katie found uncomfortable – " – Thomas deserves good things. And if you're not going to make him happy, then why not let someone else?"

"I'm a wedding planner. I should know better than anyone. ''Till death do we part'," tried Katie weakly, rubbing her thumb against the circle of metal on her ring finger as if for a comfort she knew it could no longer provide.

A still moment passed, as if Naomi was waiting for Katie to surrender, to admit that she was wrong, but of course she wasn't going to. She was Katie Fitch, wasn't she? Finally the blonde seemed to lose patience. She snatched her hand and moved it, gently, splaying out her fingers. Katie looked away. As such, she felt, but didn't see, Naomi's hand slickly and deftly removing her engagement ring from her own. Next she moved to the middle finger and did the same with her wedding ring. She seemed to deliberate for a moment, before slipping both of them into the pocket of her coat. "I'm confiscating these. Permanently."

Katie was too shocked to stop her.

x

It felt somewhat as if Naomi's words had overtaken her, like they'd been programming code for the next few days of her life. The first thing she did was unblock Pandora. Of course, she was far too proud to call the girl herself, but she unashamedly sat right beside the landline, reading a _Mills & Boon_, for the next three hours. During that time she had three false alarms – the first was a client, wanting an extra bridesmaid's dress, and the second was Emily, who babbled something desperate about a romantic dinner she and Naomi would be having that night before quickly hanging up. _Overcompensating much?_

She was finally rewarded for her patience. Pandora's tone was one of relief at first, and then, when she realised it was Katie talking, an appropriate mix of fear and humble regret. There were several half-hearted explanations, punctuated by Katie's own rather dry commentary – she knew she shouldn't be purposefully making Panda feel guilty, but she couldn't help it. She only realised she'd gone too far when Pandora broke into actual sobs.

"I'm – I'm sorry, Katie, I didn't wanna be a scarlet woman or nuffin, I promise, I really didn't. I was just – an' he was just – oh, I dunno, but I'm real sorry, an' I promise I won't come round anymore, or even call you or anyfin, 'cause I really made it all messed up, didn't I?" She paused, and when she spoke again, her voice was marginally less hysterical. "But I did wanna tell you, Katie, we didn't do surf and turf, not even once, I promise."

Katie knew Pandora well enough to remember that surf and turf meant sex in some strange Panda code, and she had to admit that that particular revelation was somewhat comforting. Feeling at least a little pacified, she remembered Naomi's words and attempted to console her... friend. "Yeah, well, it wasn't very good of you anyway, was it?" She sighed. "But – yeah, I forgive you, alright, which is well nice of me, so be grateful... Takes two to fucking tango, doesn't it?"

"Oh, don't be angry at him, Katie, don't – it weren't his fault, it was all me." Pandora's taking the blame for Thomas was like another punch to the gut. _She loves him. She really loves him. She loves him more than I love him._

"No, it wasn't," Katie chided gently, "it's more complicated than that, yeah?"

A long pause, then a reluctant sniffling noise came from the other end of the line. "Yeah."

For some reason it didn't feel like the right place to say goodbye. She remembered Pandora's own words, describing herself – _Clev'rer than you think, is'n I?_ Then Effy – _Pandora Bethan Moon is the only person in the world who could ever keep a secret from me._ Another loaded moment passed. "Pandora – do you think Tommo and I should get a divorce?"

"... Well, I'm a biased party, is'n I?" Katie smiled reluctantly at that.

"Do you really love him, then, Panda?"

The girl at the other end of the line didn't have to consider the question, answering with a surity that made Katie wince. "Yeah." Katie squeezed her eyes shut.

"I can't believe I never saw... "

"Maybe – maybe it would be good for you – to be apart for a while. An' then you could figure it out, if you still loved each other, or what. But I dunno. I never know about things like this, I never know about nuffin, do I." Katie could almost hear her bright and tearful smile. "S'pose it's just – I'm Pandora, and I'm useless."

The sound of her crying rang in Katie's ears after she hung up.

She made herself a cup of tea, then poured it down the sink because it felt too housewife-y, then regretted it and made another one. Part of her wanted to go upstairs and offer Effy a cup; another, louder part of her wanted to try and forget the girl existed at all. So she sat at the kitchen table, sipping her tea and waiting for Thomas. He would be home soon, probably doing his best to sneak into the upstairs lounge (he'd been sleeping there for the past few nights, which Katie felt guiltily grateful for) before they could even make eye contact. Katie had other plans.

"Knock knock." Katie started. Shifting slightly on her chair, she turned to see Effy standing in the doorway. She was wearing a nightdress – which, considering it was about five pm, probably meant she had only just woken up. Her eyes looked about twice as big as they should be, drenched as they were in smudged mascara. The gentle roundness of her bump under the smock struck Katie once more as ill-fitting to her almost childish figure; how could she have ever thought she was ready for a baby?

"I'm not fucking saying 'who's there'." Despite the bluntness of her reply, Katie thought she saw the corner of Effy's lip quirk upwards, and something inside her softened slightly. "Your make-up's gone all splotches, you know."

"Luckily I don't give a shit." She propelled herself away from the doorframe, against which she had been leaning. "He's sitting on the patio, you know."

"Who's sitting on the patio?"

"Thomas."

"What's he doing that for?"

"He's waiting for you to go upstairs on something. He doesn't want to see you, does he? I think he's scared you'll shout at him." Katie spluttered unflatteringly at that one.

"He's _what?"_ Not giving Effy a chance to reply, she got to her feet, spilling tea all over the table in the process. "How old does he think he is, eleven?" She peered out of the window, and, sure enough, Thomas was sitting on one of the plastic garden chairs they kept out front, throwing anxious glances towards the house. He saw her and immediately pretended to be examining some weeds growing in the cracks between the stones. "God, the idiot."

"I presume you mean your perfect and ever-loving husband, whom you worship and adore with all your heart and soul."

"Yeah, that one, the idiot. I'm going out to talk to him."

She made her way through the hall and out onto the front patio, regretting for once not buying a pair of wellies as Thomas so often urged her to do. Late autumn rain and a lack of attention from its owners had transformed their once neat, dry patio into a mess of mud, slugs and weeds. Katie did not approve. She curled up her toes, took a deep breath, and began picking her way across the pedals. She had always hated the feeling of having wet or dirty feet, but there was no _way_ she was ruining any of her shoes.

"Tommo." He looked up at her and then straight back down. It was so easy to think that being friendly and demure meant one had to lack confidence; Thomas had always been easy proof that that was a misconception. Now he couldn't even meet his wife's eyes. "Tommo, come on, we can't be like this."

It took a long time for him to sum up the courage to speak. "Katie, I am sorry."

"I'd be worried if you weren't. I called Panda, you know. She's sorry too." She paused, drew in breath. "But she says she loves you. So, you love her too, right?"

"Katie – "

"Can we just be honest?"

Again, he hesitated, then looked even further away, his neck grotesquely twisted, his eyes squeezed shut. "Yes. I love her." _Even better, even worse._ "And you – you love Elizabeth, then?"

"Er – maybe."

"So you love Effy and she loves you, and Pandora loves me and I love her, and it is that simple, is it? Or, no. I think it is more complicated than that. I do not think we can run away and play like it is all happy families. I think we have been married for such a long time. I think you and I love each other, and I have done a bad and wrong thing... "

"Yeah, but you did it for a reason, didn't you?"

"What are you trying to say, Katherine?"

 _That's a really good question._ "Well, we can't just be married because we are married. Because what if – we shouldn't have got married."

"Don't say stupid things."

"I'm not being stupid, I'm being rational." He didn't respond. She moved a little closer, considered kneeling beside his chair, but decided against it. Firstly, it would be horribly patronising, and secondly, she didn't want to get her tights muddy. "Look, I'm not saying we've got to split up, or anything, I just think we need to – "

"Consider the possibility? I am not going to sit waiting for you to make decisions like a dog."

"That's not what I meant... "

"Please, Katie, why are you doing this?"

It was a question she wasn't sure she could answer. _Because I want you to be happy? Because I want myself to be happy? Because our marriage has gone to shit?_ Actually, the last one didn't sound half bad. "Come on, come inside and we'll talk about this. It's cold out here."

"Inviting me into our home for the purpose of asking me to leave?"

"I'm not asking you to leave, I'm asking you to _talk_ to me."

"I could go to Pandora's." He wasn't talking as if he was trying to propose logical solutions, but more as if he was in some place inside his head where Katie just wasn't – eyes slightly glassy, hands still in his lap. "I could go to Pandora's, and we could have a divorce, and you and Effy could have her baby, together. I could go to Pandora's."

"Tommo, that's not what I meant. Come on, don't be stupid. I just want to talk _._ "

"You want an excuse to run away with Elizabeth."

"I do _not_ want an excuse to – "

"I am sick of this, Katherine, I am sick of you trying to have everything... If you want me to go then I will go. I don't think you know how much this hurts, for me. I don't think you ever think about anyone except yourself. I am leaving now."

And he did. He left, and Katie stared after him, not sure why she wasn't already crying. How could she be so detached from the simple fact that her husband had just walked out of her life? Out of their gate, out of their marriage, out of _her_?

The answer came in the form of soft fingers on her shoulder. Katie turned and felt her stomach clench, then relax. It was okay. She was going to be okay. _They_ were going to be okay. "You love me," Effy whispered, and Katie smiled. She didn't have to nod, because of course, Effy already knew it was true.

"And you love me too."

 **So I get this feels a bit like an ending... but it's not, I'm afraid. Couldn't leave Naomily in limbo like that, could I?**


End file.
